More spam than you could shake a stick at…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s instructions are: ladle the juice out of the tub and retain it in small earthenware jars, rub the dachshund’s paws with a moist cloth, put several coloured rubber bands around your bicycle pump, tune all the strings of your guitar to E, turn all your jumpers inside out, start wearing sunglasses in bed at night, pour the juice out of the earthenware jars back into the tub.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The unusual or surreal ones are printed out on sheets of A4 paper, the blank parts of the sheets are snipped off, they are all then held together in a bunch with a rusty bulldog clip for ease of storage. Yes, I’m talking spam. It always cheers me up when I see that an item of interesting spam has dropped out of the sky into my comments box – mind you, it’s usually only one or two of them per week – I wouldn’t like it if there were hundreds of the bloody things to deal with…
Here are some choice examples picked at random – no, no, if they are choice they can’t have been picked at random, can they? – But I’m sure you catch my drift dear reader…

Williama:
Include gloss or coloration to your mouth. Applying tinted lip gloss to the lips helps to give your mouth a gentle, finished seem. If you are looking to draw in a lot more focus to your mouth area, add more lip stick or lip blemish. With the addition of either one of these simple it can help to improve your entire look.

Bill:
I amm sure this piecwe of witing hhas touched alll thee internet uswers, its
rreally rreally pleasant artcle onn building uup neew website.
I’ve been browsung on-line greater thaan three hours as of late, yet I neger foundd anny fascinating artice as yours.
It iis beautiful vaqlue enoughh foor me. Personally if all siite owners aand bloggers mace giod content materrial aas yoou did, the web wiol bee muhch more helpful than evedr before.

Williama:
Use custom error pages to produce your website more educational. For example, if you would like customers to document lifeless hyperlinks on your own internet site, sometimes placed a hosting server-part set of scripts in your 404 page or have a sort of current email address that site visitors may use to document the mistakes at a minimum.

Jamesbif:
Continue to keep more deodorant about anywhere you go. Expecting mothers perspiration. Trust me it’s not just gleam, it is actual sweating. Remain free of moisture and smelling clean with deodorant. Take into account considering acquiring a few transportable fans to help you keep dried out and perspiration free of charge whenever possible.

Jacklin:
Effectivel luke Mommy mentioned, when wwe love eacxh oter and love thhe world that Jesus died for, that’s a sort of worship. Alfter we think about God and listen too the sermon or in Sunday Faculty, that’s a way of worshipping
because were learning hoow great God is aand He likes that.
Or after we sit round and tell each other what the greatest things about God are.
You know how a lot yoou like listening to individuals say how good or cute you boys are? Nicely God likes when we discuss together about how great He is. Daddy answered.

(Shake a stick at)

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in advertising, brain, dreaming, existentialism, humour, information, instruction, poetry, serendipity, surrealism, words, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to More spam than you could shake a stick at…

  1. Yeah, I bet with that last one, god is strutting around all cock-a-hoop with Jacklin and his family all adoring him. *rolls eyes* Anyway, this business with the earthenware and inside out jumpers….Sounds like something Professor Mouldie came up with. Did he tell you what happens, at all? Because I can only get away with so much, and if I don’t have an adequate explanation…..y’know…it could end being less of a wheeze, and more of a Whoa! 🙂

  2. Ha! I knew it! Jacklin and Williama are in this together! Cahoots, I tells ya, caHOOTS!!

  3. Jheron Bash says:

    So if these spams arrive in your blog comments box, why do they not appear in the daily blog? Are you able to remove comments? Is that what happens? Is there a spam comment removal tool attached, or do you do it manually? Come to think of it, do you ever receive abusive comments then that we never see? If I made a very rude comment (not that I would), would it be removed? So many questions ……

    • Dave Whatt says:

      Goodness me Jheron!…
      Right then:
      Wordpress has something called ‘Akismet’ which catches items of spam and puts them in a file for you to see, so you can read them or delete them as you wish.
      I’m pretty sure I can delete comments, but so far I’ve never had to – so the answer is no, I haven’t received any abusive comments – I have however received comments from pedants occasionally though, but I usually deal with those using pithy wit.
      I’m surprised that you have so many questions Jheron, as you yourself are on WordPress…

      • Jheron Bash says:

        Well, that’s answered my questions – thank you. Akismet, eh? Now I know. Yes, I am on WordPress, but I’ve never really got round to doing anything with it! One day, maybe ….

  4. Sharon Mann says:

    Who are these people? I think they live in the Bizarro World. Haha

  5. ktz2 says:

    I don’t get much spam anymore but when I do, it’s more often than not connected to images in my media library now, vs posts. I can’t figure out, or find out, how the hell do they get in my library…ggrrr

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