Mayonnaise checks watch on concourse…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s doubled up simile is – As dead as two doornails…

Yesterday afternoon I was sitting in the cafe, I was at a small table by the big plate glass window that looks out onto the concourse (have we always had concourses?) when outside a shabby male figure slid into view and pressed its open-mouthed stupid face against the glass, just as I was pouring tea into my cup… I managed to not spill any.
I recognised the slack mouth and bloodshot eyes as those belonging to, poet from the glory days of The Hull Surrealist League, Tony Mayonnaise. I tried to look uninviting by holding up my pen and notebook and shaking my head at his flapping hand gestures, which were signalling that he was about to come in and join me. To my relief, he suddenly looked at his watch, held it to his ear for a moment, and then using mime, eye rolling, and walking fingers he telegraphed that unfortunately he didn’t have time to come in to join me. But he did take out of his trouser pocket a sheet of crumpled paper with one of his spoems (spoof poems) scrawled on it in pencil – he flattened it out, pressed it against the window and indicated that I should copy down what was on it into my notebook…
Feeling that I had got off fairly lightly I did as he requested, and after I had finished jotting I happily watched him lurch off in the direction of the railway station.
His spoem is called Unlucky Dip:

Padge disasterscope a fruit unitary charge.
Rosemont gigapound alabaster tug wreck.
Fellowship botch catch bitch poker mould.
Terror oil dials beauty foot dance bastard.
Cheese-ong drips a motif cloud ogre moss.

Padge stupor mercantile mile slide fangs.
Coupling dunes two tangerine block stars.
Coupling dune boiler traits jelly doe stink.
Boomerang tease cups acting tune button.
Pride hide buttermilk sand tunnel raging.

Dooth reptile forcemeat ache book signals.
Letterpress undulation a bank dock ellipse.
Padge dodge rufflette jar upsetting cranks.
Steely frog glass delve isobar snot rumpus.
Ombudsman shovel gun sticky wicker ball.

Juice mandolin any coal dyke rumba stack.
Deviant blank dynamite plug whisper cock.
Beard greed dunce a quarter spool misting.
Ridge trudge formalin duck splice chuckle.
Padge disasterscope duty box element no!

Tony Mayonnaise. 2018.

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in art, brain, cafe, composition, drama, Dulltown, existentialism, Hull.UK., humour, information, poetry, serendipity, style, surrealism, words, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Mayonnaise checks watch on concourse…

  1. “Steely frog glass delve isobar snot rumpus” hahahaha! Snot Rumpus! That could be dropped into conversation couldn’t it? “Oh yes, that’s Julian over there, a regular snot rumpus if ever there was!” 😀

  2. Sharon Mann says:

    LOL, that’s all I can say!

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