Stella has new boots…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s combined insult and food is – You’re an arse omelette!…

Landscape No. 87 (2005). Pencil on paper, probably about 24″ x 18″.

‘Oh, hello Stella. You’re early.’
‘No, I’m not! What time did you think I was coming David?’
‘Don’t call me David… Well, I didn’t know what time you were coming, but usually you…’
‘Well it doesn’t matter then, does it? I want tea – do you have nice sultana scones, and butter?’
‘No, no scones, I have butter though – you can have butter if you wish.’
‘Upon what?…’
‘As bloody if!… What the hell is this supposed to be?’
‘It’s supposed to be, a drawing Stella – it’s a strange drawing… Can I tempt you to a bourbon cream or two with your tea?’
‘So long as they’re not those awful cheap, out of ‘sell by’ date ones that you buy. What’s that big wedge-shaped, cheese-like thing, in the middle David – with the vents? Does it get warm?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘And what are all those big balls doing there?’
‘Here’s your tea you minx – be careful, the mug is full to the brim.’
‘Yes, brim.’
‘Is that the sun or the moon in your sky?’
‘What sky?’
‘Now you are being deliberately obtuse! Where are those bloody bourbons you mentioned?’
‘Here you are, you great fat gannet! You’d better drink some of that tea before try to dunk – see, look, it’s dripping onto the floor!’
‘What are those streaky frond things, they look like bits of Shredded Wheat – and what are those little pale disc-dots?’
‘Disc-dots? I don’t know Stella – I mean, what would be the point in doing a strange drawing, if you knew what everything in it was?…’
‘I suppose then, that if that round thing, in the sky – if that is the sky – is the sun…’
‘Then the ‘X’ on the left might mark the place where the moon, used to be, before it was expunged.’
‘Moon expunged eh?’
‘No, what?’
‘The moon couldn’t have been there.’
‘Oh? And why not – you man of mystery?’
‘Because you never see the sun and the moon in the same part of the sky – you see, the sun lights up the moon and…’
‘Just shut up! I want more tea!’
‘So Stella, say, you were to mark my drawing out of a possible ten – after a bit of consideration, what would you give it?’
‘I’ll have some more bourbons too David, if you don’t mind… Hm… I’d give it eight-and-a-half.’
‘Eight-and-a-half out of ten? Really?’
‘Oh, yes. I think it’s lovely…’
‘Gosh… Oh, and by the way Stella…’
‘Are those new boots you have on?’
‘Yes, what of them?’
‘Very nice, I do love fluorescent green.’
‘Thank you David…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in art, composition, conversation, cool, creation, drama, drawing, green, humour, information, seeing, surrealism, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Stella has new boots…

  1. Jheron Bash says:

    Oh, go on – nine-and-a-half! Quite generous for Stella though – the new boots must have cheered her up.

  2. Sharon Mann says:

    I’m giving you a 10 Dave…Stella needs to rethink her rating, after a few more bourbons. Awesome pencil drawing.

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