Some smallish items…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s instruction is to remove the shiny foil from around the circumference using the handle of a teaspoon or a nice fork, press the discs of soft putty (supplied) over the protruding brass nodules on the base, slap the rounded sides of the trunk with the palms of your hands so that the whole device wobbles slightly on its rubber feet. Apply a source of ignition to the wick in the centre of the lid and see that the flame burns steadily. Open hatch ‘C’ and sing a mournful song into it for as long as the flame burns.

Excuses for being late. No. 369.
I’m sorry I’m late, but I discovered that my regime had been toppled.

A single overheard remark:
‘I always keep spare bobbles on me arm Sally…’

Yes, I find that the most annoying song they play in the Nero’s cafe I frequent is Can’t Get Away by someone called Rodriguez – it’s so long, relentless, la-la-la, simpering, and dull – it makes me want to scream obscenities, and crash the tables and chairs around, and pull the speakers from the walls… and stamp on them…

An observation:
A very drab looking couple, wearing greys and browns, walking through town, hand in hand, had very brightly coloured shoes on. His fluorescent green, hers fluorescent orange. It looked like they’d bought them at the same shop. Bearing in mind their otherwise sombre attire I think the shoes were probably quite cheap and the shop was selling them off, as no one was buying them.

Yes, I know we’ve just had a load of spam in yesterday’s post, but it is traditional now that we have some included in my Some Smallish Items page too. Here’s a little something from someone called Mattskode:
Many people feel that very good being a parent arrives by natural means, as soon as your youngsters come along, but parenting can be a ability that may be enhanced with noise advice and ideas. When your young children expand, your talent being a parent can develop also. The functional suggestions identified in the following paragraphs can aid you to increase, starting up nowadays.
Well thank you Mattskode, I will certainly bear in mind what you have said, especially the part about the noise advice. Please feel free to get in touch again – I revel in this sort of thing.

Yes, I’m thinking of changing my name to Billy Ussa-Tak.

A single overheard remark (to a small dog):
‘No!… No… This way, blockhead!…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
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11 Responses to Some smallish items…

  1. Jheron Bash says:

    Don’t you abhor expanding children?

  2. Sharon Mann says:

    Well my day has started out right…coffee and some smallish items…perfect! You might need to change cafes we don’t want to receive your posts from the jail.

  3. Me: “Hmm Billy Ussa-Tak, Bil-Uss-aTAK, BILLUS-atak…..”
    HUSBAND: “Whats wrong, aren’t you feeling well?”
    ME: “Yes, I’m fine, I’m just saying….ohhhh…wait…..I get it now!”

  4. Clearly I’m having a slow day today, haha!

  5. ktz2 says:

    I don’t know that Nero song you mentioned and I don’t want to know it, if for nothing else but the la-la-las.. . I’d noticed a number of songs have the la-la-las, even Led Zeppelin that so many worship (‘The Ocean’ and even a moment in ‘Stairway’)…I’ve always thought the la-la-la filler somewhat lazy, like ‘we don’t know what else to do here, so la-la-la-la-la’.

  6. Dana Doran says:

    I am so familiar with the shiny foil….it’s what I use to block sounds like those produced by Rodriquez….did you have to?

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