The sound of things being hit…

But first…
Dulltown UK: Today’s combined food and insult is – You pancake tosser!

‘Have you ever thought about the sounds that things make when you hit them?’
‘What, like saucepans, gongs, noses, or cars in supermarket car parks, or perhaps the right spot?’
‘Yes, that sort of thing.’
‘Not really.’
‘Why do you ask?…’
‘Well, I think about them quite a lot.’
‘Really?… Gosh, is that the time? I’m supposed to be attending a quilting session in ten minutes.’
‘I suspect that quilting is a fairly quiet sort of pastime.’
‘Pastime indeed! It’s an art form!…’
‘That’s alright… Anyway, look, it’s been very nice seeing you again…’
‘You see, when things get hit together, or just come together and touch, they inevitably make a sound.’
‘Yes, I suppose they would.’
‘But there is an aspect of this phenomenon of which people are generally unaware.’
‘Right, just imagine a hammer…’
‘Look, I don’t want to appear rude…’
‘Or boorish?’
‘Er, yes, but my quilting will be starting in five minutes…’
‘So, a hammer, strikes say, a nail…’
‘Going into a piece of wood?’
‘Could be, and you hear the sound of it…’
‘Of course you do… did I tell you I’m thinking of growing my hair long?’
‘That should suit you… You see, what the average ear is aware of…’
‘The average ear?’
‘Yes, is the sound of the nail being struck by say the peen of the hammer.’
‘The peen?’
‘Alright, what’s your point?’
‘My point is that what one doesn’t consider is the sound made by the nail – on the hammer!… How the hammer is set vibrating by the titchy little nail… You see, you are too busy listening to the sound coming from the nail and the piece of wood that’s being hit.’
‘Am I?…’
‘Speaking of being busy, I really must be going now, I…’
‘Do you listen to music much?’
‘Yes, A normal amount I suppose.’
‘You see, when one has trained one’s ears for years…’
‘Ears for years?’
‘Yes, the enjoyment of music increases exponentially…’
‘Do you think my hair is too short for the shape of my face at present?’
‘A little bit…’
‘So, you hear music differently from the way ordinary people do?’
‘Indeed I do… Oh, did you hear that?…’
‘The barista just dropped a cup onto a metal table top.’
‘I did hear that, what about it?’
‘I’ll bet you didn’t hear the table top hitting the cup though.’
‘Well, I suppose the cup hitting the table was much louder than the table hitting the cup.’
‘Exactly! You have it!’
‘Have I?…’
‘I’ll bet you are wondering what sound the little china cup made when it was hit by the big table…’
‘Well I…’
‘I heard it quite clearly – it sounded like a tiny bell on a cow on the grassy lower slopes of an Alpine peak in the bright early morning.’
‘Really?… You know I’m already six minutes late for my…’
‘It was worth it though, wasn’t it?’
‘Let me tell you something.’
‘Something else?’
‘Yes, when I play Phil Collins doing In the air tonight on my expensive hi-fi…’
‘Phil Collins?’
‘Yes, you know the famous drum roll around the toms about two thirds of the way through?’
‘Well I…’
‘Well I can hear the sound of the…’
‘Let me guess, you can hear the little sounds that the drum heads make on the ends of the drumsticks?’
‘Yes, yes, yes!…’
‘I think the quilters might have started without me by now… Can I quickly ask you something?’
‘Of course.’
‘Would shoulder length be a bit too much?’
‘Hm, not at all, go for it!…’


About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in conversation, drama, expletives, food, humour, information, music, physics, science, surrealism, thinking and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to The sound of things being hit…

  1. “Ears for years”…..hmm yes, they built things to last, back in those days didn’t they…..? 🙂

  2. P.S. Also…things being hit….this is magical for a drum….

  3. Sharon Mann says:

    It’s all music to my ears…haha!

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