Oh, just a few smallish items…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s instruction is to unzip the two outer flaps and nonchalantly flick them back; slip a wooden metre rule inside and jiggle it about to free up any residual stickiness in the fabric; using the two brass eyelets on the upper edge hang the item on the screw-hooks (supplied) which you have previously attached, at a suitable height, to a handy wall or fence; approach slowly, unzip central flap B and put your head inside – keeping your eyes closed, sing a cheerful popular song and snap your fingers in time with the rhythm – you may shuffle your feet too, if you wish.

Excuses for being late. No. 374.
I’m sorry I’m late, but I forgot my memory foam.

A single overheard remark:
‘I’m the only person been arrested for it!… Arrested!…’

‘Yes dear?’
‘What are these strips of little raised round lumps set into the pavement in the city centre?’
‘Well, it was done by the council dear – there are either, a clever message written in Braille for blind people to read, with their feet, or…’
‘Or, it’s to deliberately make it painful for poor people with thin-soled cheap shoes to walk on – you know, like those near pedestrian crossings.’
‘Well, that wouldn’t be very nice, would it Mum?’
‘No dear, but it’s better than the council trying to be ‘clever’ and ‘arty’, don’t you think?’
‘Yes, Mum…’
(Click here.)

So, do rugby players develop those bony protruding foreheads by playing rugby, or are people with bony protruding foreheads naturally drawn to the game?  (Click here.)

Yes, I’m thinking of changing my name to Betty Non-Thaloozer.

Oh no, not more spam Dave!…
Yes, freshly dropped into my comments box this morning, here’s one from somebody called CurtisB:
To look at increase your pores and get any blemishes taken out, steaming is a marvellous option. Set your skin over a dish of steaming very hot water using a dried up bath towel put on you go. Try this as long as you can becoming mindful to never burn your self. If you have had ample splash your face with cool h2o to seal the pores and make the skin far more business.
Well thank you CurtisB, I have tried this and it has changed my life, my facial skin is now like two babies’ bottoms. Don’t hesitate to get in touch again!

A single overheard remark:
‘It was torture beans yesterday…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in brain, conversation, cool, design, Dulltown, Grumpiness, Hull.UK., humour, information, instruction, irony, observations, overheard, people, puzzle, serendipity, style, surrealism and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Oh, just a few smallish items…

  1. twallisstone says:

    Very good! Informative as ever….

  2. Oh the artistic Braille endeavour had me puzzled! Who wants to read a poem when they are shopping?! (assuming they are indeed wandering around barefoot!) It would have been far more helpful to write things like “Toilets this way” or “Pedestrian Crossing Ahead”. Silly council people just don’t think these things through. I recommend they spend a day blindfolded, now THAT would help them “raise awareness for the visually impaired” 🙂

    • Dave Whatt says:

      That’s so typical of local councils – they are composed of jumped up ‘business people’ with no imagination – did they really think blind folk would be ‘reading’ it with the soles of their feet? Ah, more Dulltown embarrassment!…

  3. Sharon Mann says:

    Lol, oh the torture beans…we have all had our experience with those, great whit today Dave!

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