Well, I didn’t think that I’d ever…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s dictionary words are: arapaima, fogash, grivet, pistareen, tuppence, mvule, and zumbooruk. Please have these words looked up and placed in suitable sentences ready for Professor Mouldie first thing after breakfast tomorrow morning. The professor will be bringing with him a number of hats from around the world and will put them all on in turn and conduct the lesson in the language relating to each particular hat. You must endeavour to keep up…
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Well, I didn’t think that I’d ever…
…do what I have seen people do in old American films – you know, old westerns, and mystery films, often in black and white – with sequences on trains. I like films that feature trains – just look at Double Indemnity and er, Strangers on a Train, and er… Well you get the idea…
Come on Dave!… Please, get to the point!…
No, you see, it would be so easy to steal someone’s ticket wouldn’t it?
What?… You are being deliberately obscure today!
Yes, I am, it’s because I haven’t much to say, I’m trying to drag it out – to milk it for all it’s worth…
Well, just stop it, and stop prevaricating!…
The weather is quite warm isn’t it? Most unusual for Britain in July, I really only wear them in this sort of weather…
Wear what?…
Hats, or rather a hat, I have only one. It keeps the unpleasant and dangerous rays off one’s head, it’s ideal when it’s bright like this – it’s a Genuine Panama made by Christys’ of London – someone once gave me it when I was putting some trellis up for them, in their garden, one summer day, many years ago.
What’s this got to do with trains, and black and white films?
Well, I was wearing my hat, on the bus the other day, it was all a bit noisy, what with yowling children and people shouting down their phones in various exotic languages – I thought that I’d better put my noise-cancelling headphones on and listen to some music, I took the hat off and put it on my knee, so I could put my headphones on, and get my MP3 player out and working, but I still had my bus ticket in my hand, I didn’t know what to do with it, and then it dawned on me, I should do what cowboys, and the detectives, and the spies, and the travelling salesmen do when they are on buses or trains – they stick their ticket in the band of their hat – I’ve seen it in films! The conductor (as they call them in the US) comes round, plucks it out, inspects it, and replaces it, I’ve seen it in films… So, I slipped my ticket in the band of my Genuine Panama.
Would you like to see a snap of me in my Panama?
No… no really…
It’s in black and white!
I don’t care!… Is it a selfie?
Yes… I’s me, standing at a bus stop…
I don’t care…

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in cool, drama, Dulltown, fashion, Film, history, humour, photography, seeing, style, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Well, I didn’t think that I’d ever…

  1. Jheron Bash says:

    Gosh, a selfie! You look just how I imagined, Dave! Can’t see the ticket though ….

  2. Sharon Mann says:

    Hello Dave, good to see you! And, I do like the hat. It is hot here too, unusual heat of 107. I had to look top the word “prevaricating”. haha

  3. Oooh, nice shot! And I looked for the ticket, but as you say in the comments, that was before the incident in question. At least you are able to be dignified about the ticket scenario….women have been known to stick things in their bra strap! Most unbecoming! đŸ™‚

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