Mayonnaise in a hole…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s anteater is the one that’s gone vegetarian and only eats finely chopped walnuts and raisins now.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

It was last Thursday afternoon. I was walking around town peering in various cafe windows looking for the least busy and least potentially noisy one – I had some serious frivolous writing to do. As I passed some earthworks fenced off with orange plastic barriers, there was a deep muddy hole in the pavement and part of the road, I noticed a police officer and a couple passers-by bending over with their heads tilted to one side. I was intrigued, I heard one of the chaps say to the copper, ‘He says it’s the voice of Satan!…’
I stopped and saw that a large diameter yellow plastic pipe was sticking up out of the hole – I could hear a voice issuing from of the open end of it. However, I didn’t think it was that of Satan at all – I think we all know what Satan sounds like, don’t we? I recognised it as the voice of ne’er-do-well poet from the glory days of the Hull Surrealist League, Tony Mayonnaise – he was apparently reciting one of his spoems (spoof poems) direct from the pit of hell – well, no, not really, I could see him crouching down in a similar hole to ours several yards up the road – he had his head down the far end of the yellow plastic pipe. I tapped the policeman on the arm and pointed up the road to reveal the source of the satanic nonsense. Just then Mayo happened to pop his head out, he spotted my action, jumped out of his hole, and ran away giggling, he was obviously under the influence of strong ale. Later I walked up and recovered a piece of scruffy paper with the spoem on it to share with you dear reader:

Blamante blamante ditherette rigo rigo!
Toffno alabambic chooths alomb…
Quoo flagonda, quoo flagonda-meb…
Zepster one, zepster two, cormorant!

Rezzantante rezzantante hotch rigo rigo!
Jerrimo chimmel-dack altyne…
Num bootette, num bootette-neb…
Zepster three, zepster four, gannet!

Nannanoo nannanoo phoonette rigo rigo!
Sackjaw fummel scoon-po actoid…
Cugg tricktrack, cugg tricktrack-geb…
Zepster five, zepster six, partridge!

Trellentine trellentine thatzet rigo rigo!
Gootorn tithers bickanoo-ip almsra…
Oib foxboos, oib foxboos-teb…
Zepster seven, zepster one, willow warbler!

Tony Mayonnaise. 2018.

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in brain, cafe, creation, drama, Dulltown, Hull.UK., humour, information, poetry, serendipity, style, surrealism, words, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Mayonnaise in a hole…

  1. Sharon Mann says:

    You just never know what Tony is going to up to…LOL!

  2. Just for fun, I highlighted this and clicked “read aloud”. It actually sounds quite poetic, haha! Alcohol and yellow pipes make for good poetry I think! 😀

  3. memadtwo says:

    The most sensible words I’ve heard today…

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