Stella likes her butter spread thickly…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s existential angst is centred around the sound of the phrase – scraped back into a bun.

Aphrodite at the Waterhole. No. 9. (1992) Charcoal and pencil on paper, probably about 24″ x 18″.

‘Oh, good morning Stella my dear!’
‘Oh, I’ve never seen your hair like that before, it looks very nice! Is that what they call, “Scraped back into a…”‘
‘Shut up!…’
‘Oh, right ho! Would you be interested in a nice mug of tea, Taylors of Harrogate Yorkshire Tea, and a lavishly buttered sultana scone?’
‘Of course, you ignoramus – get that kettle on the gas!’
‘It’s already gurgling and piping – I saw you out of the window, I thought, Aha, there’s Stella coming down the road, oh, look at her hair, it looks like…
‘Enough!… What the hell is this?’
‘It’s an old drawing of mine – do you like thick-thick butter on your sultana scone my dear?’
‘Of course! What’s it supposed to be – a design for naff flock pub wallpaper?’
‘Well no, you see, I thought that I’d do 42 very similar images, in a sort of…’
‘A matrix of seven across by six high, you see… here’s your tea, don’t drip in on the carpet, oh, and I see that you are smoking those stinking French cigarettes again, I’d better get you an ashtray.’
‘Forty-one! Your bottom row only has six in it! These scones aren’t at all bad, are they Tesco’s ones?’
‘Bloody hell, only six in the bottom row! I’d not noticed that before! But perhaps I intended it as a subtle hint at perspective, you know, fewer, but slightly bigger ones at the bottom, nearer the viewer?’
‘I shouldn’t think so David, I’m sure it was just another of your typically sloppy mistakes – butter me another scone!…’
‘How can you drink tea, eat nice scones, and smoke filthy cigarettes at the same time?’
‘It’s quite easy David.’
‘Stop calling me David!’
‘This drawing looks like something British, from the early 20th c.. Are you perhaps a latter-day Vorticist David?’
‘Yes… That’s exactly the…’
‘Aphrodite at the Waterhole?’
‘Er, yes, it’s from a piece of work in the film that persuaded me to become an artist back in…’
‘I’ve never seen it…’
‘No, I suppose not… Too young… More tea my dear?…’

Aphrodite at the Waterhole.

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
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13 Responses to Stella likes her butter spread thickly…

  1. David Manley says:

    ho ho…I suppose it comes as no surprise that I consider it the greatest movie on art ever made!

  2. Sharon Mann says:

    As you and Stella squabble I’ll just enjoy this art! Happy Day!

  3. Dana Doran says:

    Love the piece. How did you summon the patience?
    King Davey, your highness, the art world knows that if you’re looking for a positive review serve wine at your salon instead of tea!

    • Dave Whatt says:

      Good god! She’d be even worse if I gave her wine!…
      If you are going to use ‘your highness’ – I’d prefer ‘Your Royal Highness’ or ‘Your Majesty’ if you don’t mind!…

      • Dana Doran says:

        Ha! We weren’t trained in addressing Royalty at home….the parental figures somehow knew the opportunity wasn’t a part of my future…little did they know, Your Majesty.

      • Dave Whatt says:

        No we weren’t trained in it either – little chance of any of us ever having to meet, or write to, one of the buggers…
        King Davey the First (or should it be Davy?) then… I think I’ll set to work on making a suitable crown…

      • Dana Doran says:

        A suitable crown? Yes. I do believe one is in order….or perhaps two? One for formal affairs and one for casual wear….

      • Dave Whatt says:

        One for around the house, and one for going out – good, that’s that settled!…

  4. I thought the painting and dialogue were nuts… then I read the comments…

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