Just a few small, but pithy items…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s interesting fish names are: the bigscale pomfret, the bonytail chub, the denticle herring, the houndshark, and the porgy.

Excuses for being late. 384.
I’m sorry I’m late, but I was watering the hedgehogs.

A single overheard remark:
‘Brian, it’s my own fault that I’m steaming…’

‘I’d like to purchase a pair of jeans please.’
‘Do you want ones with ragged thigh holes, or ragged knee holes?’
‘Do you have any with buttock holes?’
‘No, I’m sorry, they won’t be available until next year…’

An observation (and a piece of advice for the new barista starting work in the trendy cafe).
When you want to ask a customer which beverage they’d like it’s generally best to face the customer as you speak, rather than say it as you look off to one side grinning at your barista colleagues…

Hm, yes, I see that the police Religious Crime Squad are currently interviewing a parson of interest.

A financial expert on the BBC World Service news programme:
‘Hundred million dollar projects are a dime a dozen around the world…’

Spam, spam, spam, spam…
Here are a couple of recent items of spam from my comments box – as they are both quite short I have glued them together – I hope this doesn’t cause any confusion dear reader. They seem to be from people called, nigerian move and n-rollex:
‘I have some article marketing tips that is bound to explode your blog traffic. In case the topic is new information before you write. I know that because articles drive around 60% of my traffic. (9)Did you gained weight and surge in your blood pressure levels? After that search for find it easier to write more on that particular topic. This is a simple solution in theory, but quite challenging in practice.’
Well thank you Nige and N, I will cherish that which you have said in this text context – and I do look forwards to reading you two cool dudes again soon – I do absolutely love what you have above uttered.

An observation:
In Dulltown city centre: A woman in clicking heels and smart grey business suit was walking down the street carrying a flat brown cardboard box – she was keeping it perfectly horizontal in front of her, as if it had a live pizza in it…

Yes, I’m thinking of changing my name to Noah Fence-Mate.

A single overheard remark:
‘At any point didn’t you think, “Oh fuck!”?’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in brain, cafe, conversation, Dulltown, existentialism, finance, Hull.UK., humour, information, instruction, money, observations, overheard, serendipity, surrealism, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Just a few small, but pithy items…

  1. Sharon Mann says:

    hahhaha, so funny. I like your name change.

  2. memadtwo says:

    At many points, actually….

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