The alphabet boys…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s elephant in the room is the one introducing all the guests to the world of phillumeny and forcing them to look at his bulging albums of matchbox labels.

‘I’m thinking of changing my name.’
‘Oh yes?’
‘What to?’
‘Abe is a nice first name, what about…’
‘My new surname?’
‘Well, before we go there…’
‘Go there?’
‘Yes, before we go there, I was was thinking about an initial or two in the gap.’
‘Oh yes? That’s always impressive, it sounds a bit transatlantic.’
‘Oh, so it does…’
‘Would they stand for anything or would they be just initials?’
‘Just initials I think.’
‘What will they be?’
‘E and C…’
‘I see… Not standing for Eric Clapton, Eddie Cochran, or Ethel Comble?’
‘Who is Ethel Comble?’
‘I don’t know, maybe an acquaintance of yours?’
‘No, not standing for Eric, Eddie, or Ethel.’
‘You’ll need a jolly good surname to go with “Abe” and those two initials. What will it be?’
‘Dee? That doesn’t sound very…’
‘Ah, but don’t you get it?… Don’t you get it?’
‘Er, get what?… Oh yes… I think I do!… It’s like the start of the alphabet?’
‘Exactly! Abe E. C. Dee! Clever, don’t you think?’
‘Well, reasonably clever I suppose.’
‘Only reasonably?’
‘Well, it only works properly when it’s spoken, but it falls down somewhat when seen in print…’
‘Oh yes, that’s a good point – it’s great when spoken though isn’t it?’
‘Yes, of course you could have had “Abe E. Seedy”…’
‘But that’s what I have!’
‘No, let me write it down for you on this beer mat.’
‘Oh, goodness me! Yes indeed!… But I’m torn between the two versions now, of course neither of them work well written down do they?’
‘No they don’t… I was, at one time, thinking of changing my name in a similar manner, but using letters from the middle of the alphabet, rather than those at the start.’
‘Really!… Oh do tell!’
‘I never used it, but if you like, you could have it, free of charge, if you wish.’
‘Come on, don’t tease… What is it?’
‘It starts with “Jake”…’
‘Jake A. Rowling?’
‘No no, Jake A. Ellemen.’
‘Good god! That’s five letters! It’s wonderful, can I really have it?’
‘Of course. It will of course extend further…’
‘Yes!… Jake A. Ellemenno.’
‘That’s six letters! It’s a masterpiece!’
‘But like the others, it still only works properly when spoken.’
‘I don’t care, I think it’s lovely! Thank you!’
‘You’re welcome Jake…’


About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in brain, conversation, drama, humour, philuminy, puzzle, smiling, surrealism, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to The alphabet boys…

  1. Jheron Bash says:

    Jolly japes! I think I like Abe E. Seedy the best.

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