You may approach the bench…

But first…
Dulltown, UK/Europe: Today’s carefully selected colours are: Pig pink, Cow cobalt, Ass azure, Bullock blue, Ferret fawn, and that lovely honey colour a few inches in from the edge of the body on an old sunburst Gibson ES 330 electric guitar.
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‘Nice spot this…’
‘Hm…’
‘I often sit on this bench.’
‘Oh?…’
‘You’ve probably seen me here.’
‘Possibly.’
‘Plenty of interesting people passing by.’
‘Indeed.’
‘Even the traffic here can be interesting.’
‘Really?’
‘Oh yes, I used to spot buses you know.’
‘Spot?’
‘Yes.’
‘I suppose, buses being pretty big things…’
‘I can guess what you are going to say – they’d be easy to spot?’
‘Er, yes… I…’
‘But of course being a bus spotter is a bit deeper than just seeing one or two of them you know.’
‘I’m sure it is… Is that church clock correct? I really must be off soon, I have a meeting at the Eel Club, it’s just around the corner.’
‘I know, I myself thought of joining the Eel Club, but that was during the period when I was preoccupied with my fascination for UK telephone boxes.’
‘The Eel Club can take up a lot of one’s time.’
‘Exactly!… By the way…’
‘Yes?’
‘Look over there, by the pub, those two lovely cream-painted public call boxes.’
‘Oh yes, they are K-sixes aren’t they?’
‘Oh my! You certainly know your phone boxes! Yes, a fine design, 1934, or was it 1935? Oh look, here comes a double-decker Volvo B5LHC, you don’t see many of those in these parts! What a very pleasant surprise!
‘Hm…’
‘And just look at all these shoppers, and business people, streaming past…’
‘Yes, they are streaming – like a stream…’
‘People eh?’
‘Ah yes… I see that you are looking very attentively at them all as they go by…’
‘Am I that obvious?’
‘I’m afraid so.’
‘Tell me…’
‘Yes?’
‘Sherlock Holmes…’
‘What about him?’
‘Well, I believe it was he who remarked that all ears are unique.’
‘I understand so… A handy tool for the criminologist, or even the criminalist…’
‘Indeed yes!’
‘So, are you peering at the ears of all the passers-by?’
‘No.’
‘No?’
‘No, their noses.’
‘Are you, yourself, a criminologist?’
‘Not really… Are you?’
‘Me? No… So?…’
‘Have you ever – say in a situation like this…’
‘With people going streaming past en masse?’
‘Yes – ever tried looking at them all, one at a time, but…’
‘Concentrating on just their noses?’
‘Yes! Yes! You’ve got it!… One gets the hang of it pretty quickly – seeing the nose clear and sharp, the surrounding features, eyes, mouth, just fade to an insignificant blur. It is quite addictive… Nose, after nose, after nose!…’
‘Yes, I’m doing it right now, as I speak! It gives one a completely different view of humanity doesn’t it?’
‘But fascinating!’
‘You’re right… Er…’
‘Yes?’
‘Have you ever tried it with mouths?’
‘Well, yes, but only briefly, but I found it…’
‘Disgusting?… I tried it just now, and I didn’t like what I saw.’
‘Yes, yes! The shiny-lipped moist orifice – repulsive! A far cry from the elegance of a good clean nose!’
‘Hang on!… Just a minute! Look… that big fat man, the one with the marvellously bulbous red nose, leaning against one of the K-sixes, he seems to have spotted us staring around at everyone.’
‘Oh God!… He’s coming over! And he looks annoyed too!’
‘Ah… no, it’s alright, don’t worry – I recognise him now, I was distracted for a moment by his fine nose – I know him, he’s the treasurer of the Eel Club! He must have been waiting for a secret call.’
‘Phew! I thought that we’d have had to run – I hate fisticuffs!’
‘Me too, but you’ll like this chap, he’s Bobby – he’s very keen on the history of British post boxes, he likes the red.’
‘Really?’
‘Oh yes.’
‘You know, I do warm to him already! It’s his nose of course… Shuffle up, give him a bit of space on the bench…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in brain, colours, conversation, drama, dreaming, existentialism, history, humour, information, learning, phones, serendipity, style, surrealism and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to You may approach the bench…

  1. Sharon Mann says:

    Next time I sit in a bench I know I must come prepared for conversation.

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