Choosing a name for the band…

But first…
Dulltown, UK/Europe: Today’s carefully selected adjectives are: rumbling, brattling, Priapic, triarch, knurled, Peloponnesian, heteromorphic, and boggy.

‘Hm, suppose, I was, forming a band…’
‘Oh yes?…’
‘Have you been in bands before?’
‘Me? Of course I have!’
‘Would this new one be a riffy band or a strummy sort of band? They generally fall into one of those two types, don’t they?’
‘Oh, a riffy one, of course… Any more tea in that pot?’
‘Yes, just pass your cup over… So, what would you be playing in it, what instrument?’
‘Thank you… Guitar of course! What else could it be?’
‘Are you any good on guitar?’
‘Oh, I’m excellent – some say “stunning”…’
‘Do they?… But, ah… you know what’s hanging in the air…’
‘In the air? Where?…’
‘The metaphorical air.’
‘What?… The name of your new band of course.’
‘The name?’
‘Yes, and by the way, did you know that I play drums?’
‘Yes, you are right, a good name, that’s so very important!’
‘Something clever, and interesting, that sticks in the mind, something that…’
‘That, sums up the music, and something that is catchy, and that people remember!’
‘Is that band name suggestion?’
‘No, I was just inquiring, if you’d like some… Ginger nuts?’
‘Is that a band too?’
‘No, just another inquiry, they do go nicely with tea. You know I mentioned earlier that I play the drums?’
The drums?’
‘Well, drums then.’
‘Yes, you did… Oh, they had very some good, strange, and memorable band names back in the mid 20th century.’
‘Yes, Grateful Dead, Jefferson Airplane, X-Ray Spex, the Swinging Blue Jeans…’
Swinging Blue Jeans, that wasn’t a very good name was it?’
‘No, it wasn’t – that’s the last of the ginger nuts by the way, I have nice…’
The Nice, the band?’
‘No the biscuits, I have some. They are very good when dunked!’
‘The short names for bands, for me they didn’t work quite as well as the longer ones.’
‘No, and I always wanted The Who to have a question mark after it too, it never really worked that well without one.’
The Velvet Underground.’
‘Oh, so evocative!’
Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin…’
‘Oh, Led Zep, great, I wonder why they spelled it wrong though?’
‘Oh, they had to, if they’d spelled it as the metal ‘lead’, people might have thought it should be pronounced to rhyme with ‘bead’… The Zeppelin in lead position, in a Zeppelin race perhaps?’
‘Ah, right… I’ve never thought of that before…’
‘After that time people stopped coming up with good band names – I mean ‘Oasis‘. What the hell is that supposed to conjure up?’
‘Conjure up?’
‘Hm… and all that Brit Pop crap, Blur, Stereophonics, the Verve…’
The Verve, perhaps they were being ironic? I see you’ve finished the Nice biscuits, I think I’d better open up a packet of bourbons.’
‘Yes, yes, do!.’
‘I still have my drum kit set up in the attic you know…’
‘I think the most enjoyable part of forming a new band is definitely choosing the name!’
‘Have you come up with any good ones?’
‘Oh a few, over the years…’
‘So… a name for our new hot riffing band then…’
‘What do you mean ‘our’ hot riffing band?…’
‘Well, you’ll need a drummer won’t you? Here, have a couple more bourbons. How about the Bleak Tuesdays?’
‘No, no, too eighties!’
Bulging Pants, Snake Bastard…’
‘Oh, they’re not bad!’
Eddy and the Domes…’
‘I like it, but it wouldn’t suit the music, too rockabilly! Are you any good on drums then?’
‘Well, only fair…’
‘Fair, eh?… Can you write lyrics?’
‘Me, neither.’
‘I do have a van though.’
‘A van? Really? Oh, that’s good! Welcome to Snake Bastard… or The Vicious Pods, or Reptile Pie, or The Naked Popes, or Pigs on Fire… See! I told you this was fun!’
‘Me, I like Snake Bastard!… Will there be drugs and groupies?’
‘Only if you bring your own…’
‘Oh right oh…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
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4 Responses to Choosing a name for the band…

  1. Sharon Mann says:

    How about the “The Brattling Boggies”

  2. Jheron Bash says:

    Our first band was called “The Road Runners” (Early sixties). Guess what our signature tune was?
    Then it was “fiXion” (late sixties). It fitted more easily on the bass drum, with a big X in the middle. We thought that was really stylish. ‘Course we did – it was the late sixties! The drugs were kicking in. Not that I ever took any, of course.

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