Wax candles have two main failings…

But first…
Dulltown, UK/Europe: Today’s octopus is the one down at the local juggling club embarrassing all the members with his expertise.

I’ve never seen an actual copy of the magazine of course – I’m talking about the Gadgets Magazine. I suppose there must be one or two well-thumbed copies still out there somewhere – I just had a quick look on t’interweb, but I couldn’t find any references to, or any pictures of them. I only know of them from the scruffy old cheap junk shop book, the 1954 Gadgets Annual, a compilation of features from it. Here’s a nice picture of the title page to draw you in, and to prove that I’m not making all this up dear reader:

Ah, those were the days! People had practical skills back then; they could use their hands, and not just their thumbs, they could make things out of cardboard, and wood, and bits of metal – useful and practical things for the home and garden; they could have a go at repairing broken and worn items, instead of just happily throwing them away to go to landfill as we do now.
Let us flick through these smelly pages and quickly glance at some of the features: A Handy Smoothing Gadget; A Refrigerator as a Fireproof ‘Safe’; A Leather Stripping Gadget; Boring holes in Corks; A Gadget for Chalking Linen; A Bedside Watch Stand, etc…
So today, let’s turn to page 31:

‘Albert!… Albert, what are you up to? What’s that terrible smell?’
‘Oh hello Madge, I thought that you’d nipped down to Blusters to get some tripe for tonight’s supper.’
‘No, I decided to give the upstairs pelmets a good dusting before I went. What on earth are you doing?…’
‘It’s alright, nothing to worry about Madge dear, I’m just melting some bits of wax.’
‘Melting wax?’
‘Yes dear, it’s to coat my dowels.’
‘Coat your dowels?… Albert!’
‘Yes dear?’
‘What are you talking about?… Just a minute, that smell is getting stronger!… And what’s that bubbling noise?’
‘Oh dear!… Ah, it’s alright, nothing is amiss – see, I’ve turned the gas off under the pan. Everything’s fine now.’
‘Pan? What pan?’
‘Er, that small shiny one with the black plastic handle.’
‘What!… That’s my favourite small pan Albert! It does reliably good poached eggs!… And you’ve been melting wax in it!’
‘I’m sure it’ll clean up afterwards, bright as new Madge!… You see, normal candles can wilt or collapse in the warm weather, and using a few short lengths of dowel one can easily… Oh, you are putting your coat on… Are you going, out…?’
‘Yes dear?’
‘I’m going out to Blusters for tripe! When I come back I don’t want to see, or smell, anything to do with candles, straight or bendy, nor any form of wax anywhere to be seen – nor any of those damn dowels!… And, that nice small pan, should be absolutely spotless! Do you understand me Albert?’
‘Yes dear… Er, Madge…’
‘What now!…’
‘You’ve still got your slippers on…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in archeology, books, brain, conversation, creation, drama, food, Grumpiness, history, humour, information, instruction, reading and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Wax candles have two main failings…

  1. Sharon Mann says:

    Lol, I love Albert creative spirit in spite of Madge’s curmudgeonry attitude.

  2. David Manley says:

    Health & Safety put a stop to this kind of malarkey years back!

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