Look out!… Sliced onions!…

But first…
Dulltown, UK/Europe: Today’s Vlad the Impaler lookalike twins are Maureen and Steve Mudberry. Come on up and take your seats on the sofa – my my, how convincingly evil you both look! I see that you have brought a couple of your impaling spikes with you…

In my posts I don’t usually get into the details of my domestic life, but on this occasion I think I must. How do you manage your kitchen chopping boards dear reader? Do you have more than one, different ones for different foods? Me, I just have the one, it’s made of glass for easy cleaning, and it has, for some dubious aesthetic reason, pictures of sprigs of herbs and vegetables printed on it – this is annoying when one is chopping one’s stuff, because one tends to mistake the printed items for the real thing – but that’s just an aside, and it is not the subject of today’s piece.
Yes, if you chop the buggers up on a traditional wooden chopping board the juices soak in and the board becomes ‘tainted’ and can even develop a lingering odour if you don’t keep an eye on it. Me, I use my glass board for cutting everything culinary, including onions, but in order to avoid the onion-ness sneakily cross-contaminating say, a couple of slices of toast, that have been placed on the board ready for buttering, I always cut up my onions (apparently onions are really good for you) with a piece of paper laid on top the glass surface. The piece of paper is usually a page folded in two, one  that’s been ripped from an old copy of that dreadful TV listings magazine What’s On TV, that I keep in the kitchen for this very purpose. Are you bored yet? I will get to the point soon!
So, last evening, I was preparing my meal and attacking a couple of small peeled onions on my piece of paper – the piece was the glossy cover from the magazine. As I looked down I became aware that I was being stared at by a pair of wild eyes from between the chunks. I pushed a couple of the chunks aside a little to reveal a really anguished-looking chap advertising some TV soap…
The image was so striking and dramatic, and serendipitous, that I though I should get my little camera out and snap it…
Pretty good eh? He’s got a little piece of my onion in his mouth – and look, you can see the marks on his face caused by the slashing of my knife!…

I recall now that I think I have shown you one of these onion-slicing-on-magazine-image photos before, but I don’t think it could have been half as dramatic as this one!

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in art, celebrities, composition, cool, food, humour, information, observations, photography, seeing, serendipity, style, surrealism, TV and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Look out!… Sliced onions!…

  1. Jheron Bash says:

    I have to say, it’s not a very healthy practice to chop food on printed paper, Dave! The ink is liable to contaminate your victuals. You may not taste it but God knows what chemicals are in there.

  2. Sharon Mann says:

    OMG, a good laugh this morning!

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