Walking about in public places…

But first…
Dulltown, UK/Europe: Today’s unusual china teapot is the one shaped like the sound of a cricket ball being struck quite hard to the long on boundary. This teapot though delightful, is not a very good pourer.
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So, you see, when all this Brexit business has been cleared up, and things are back to some kind of normality – and when I am elected Prime Minister, I’ll make it compulsory that in all schools, one hour per week is dedicated to enforcing my new carefully worked out code for walking politely and respectfully in public places.
Not only will the code be taught in schools throughout the British Isles, but it will be promoted on TV, BBC radio, in cinemas, and, of course online, the website is being carefully constructed as I write – we might have some large colourful posters on city centre hoardings, and pasted on the sides of buses and taxis, and a few handy pamphlets will be readily available in libraries, post offices, and police stations.

i. Thou shalt not come confidently striding out of shop doorways looking at thy watch, expecting the pedestrian flow to accommodate thy ingress.
ii. Thou shalt not stand motionless, staring down at thy phone, in the middle of the pedestrian flow.
iii. Thou shalt not stop suddenly, nor change direction, in the middle of the pedestrian flow.
iv. Thou shalt not expect to diagonally traverse the pedestrian flow at will, whatever the prevailing conditions.
v. Thou shalt not walk shoulder-to-shoulder in groups of more than two – even when accompanied by children.
vi. Thou shalt not allow any children under thy care to freely run, nor deliberately zigzag.
vii. Thou shalt keep dogs and other animals on a trustworthy lead measuring not more than one metre in length.
viii. Thou shalt not cycle, skateboard, roller-skate, pogo stick, or Segway, on the pavements – a £300 fine will be instantly imposed, and thy means of transport will be destroyed in front of thou.
ix. Thou shalt not run, jog, nor shall thou cartwheel.
x. Thou shalt keep thy biometric Public Walking Permit card upon thy person at all times.

 

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in brain, cricket, dreaming, Dulltown, existentialism, Grumpiness, humour, information, instruction, people, surrealism, thinking and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Walking about in public places…

  1. Jheron Bash says:

    Good luck with that, Dave!

  2. Dana Doran says:

    Don’t look now David…thy grumpy old man about town is showing!

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