Doom goes undercover…

But first…
Dulltown, UK/Europe: today’s joke is the one about the British Prime Minister – no, sorry, that’s not right – the British Prime Minister is the joke… (Boris)
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I had nipped out to post a postcard the other evening, it was just getting dark and the street lights were starting to pop on. On the pavement of the main road near the postbox, that one by the closed down pub, someone had discarded a large brown cardboard carton about the size of a generously proportioned refrigerator. As I passed I heard some scratching noises, followed by three or four deep thuds, coming from the side of it which was nearest to me. A spooky, but loud voice from inside suddenly boomed out, ‘Unconvincing likeness! Caramel nightmare! The bells! The bells!’
I paused mid-step in my walk…
The voice said again, but louder, ‘Unconvincing likeness! Caramel nightmare! The bells! The bells!’
I turned, faced the box, and said, ‘Fuck off Simon! I recognised your voice!…’ I walked on two or three steps and posted my card.
It was of course Simon Doom, ne’er-do-well poet from the glory days of the Hull Surrealist League.
He crawled out from under his box, grinned stupidly, and said, ‘I spotted you coming – I was hoping this pub was still open – they used to have a weekly poetry night here you know – it was really crap! Tell you what, here’s my latest spoem (spoof poem), put it on that miserable blog thing that you do – this is far better than anything you could ever come up with!… It’s alphabetical!…’

Boof-stang, uppity roll dog A.
Tomtit tomtit tomtit tomtit tom-tom.
Unflinching chimney – dark skies!
Uppity roll, moon – bastard heart!
Melody melody melody melody! B C D.

Fenny-moll, spittle moss cobs B.
Tomtit tomtit tomtit tomtit tom-tom.
Quivering doorstep – stark dyes!
Spittle moss, spoon – bastard head!
Melody melody melody melody! A C D.

Gumly-bow, docket stripe ticks C.
Tomtit tomtit tomtit tomtit tom-tom.
Unflinching vestibule, dark ties!
Docket stripe, tune – bastard face!
Melody melody melody melody! A B D.

Eggrat-tremolo, napkin chute D.
Tomtit tomtit tomtit tomtit tom-tom.
Quivering outhouse, stark pies!
Napkin chute, dune – bastard shoe!
Melody melody melody melody! A B C.

Simon Doom 2019.

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in abstract, art, brain, celebrities, composition, creation, drama, Dulltown, existentialism, expletives, history, Hull.UK., humour, information, joke, poetry, serendipity, style, surrealism, swearing, Uncategorized, words, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Doom goes undercover…

  1. Jheron Bash says:

    Well, that just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?

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