For entertainment purposes only…

But first…
Dulltown, UK/Europe: Today’s instruction is to approach the newly arrived mystery package in a circumspect manner, walk around it once or twice, carefully poke it with a walking stick a few times, lean over and listen for possible sounds emanating, if there are none you may sit down cross-legged on the floor in front of it, drink a cup of coffee, smoke a cigarette or two, and plan your strategy for the opening process. At this point you may take out a small penknife and choose a short slim pointed sharp blade suitable for the work in hand…

Do you believe in the paranormal, the supernatural, the ‘other world’, dear reader?
Me? I don’t, but I’d definitely like to!
I suppose it’s a bit like god, and religion, and miracles, and stuff – it would be great if there was something to it, something influencing us and guiding us, dead people living on – and that all the spiritual and religious people have been right all these years, and that the supernatural realm has just been very good at keeping quiet and hiding itself from us – but, as there’s no evidence at all for any of this, I do feel a bit disappointed, but then, at the same time cheered up by the clarity of the logical approach. Oh, and while we are at it, flying saucers anyone?
I have to be pretty bored and desperate to watch ‘real-life’ spooky programmes on those obscure TV channels, but it does pass the time, and I can always jot down some of the voice-over, and the conversation of the ghost hunters, the psychic investigators, as they sneak about with their torches and electronic spook meters in the dark dusty corners of old manor houses and derelict hospitals, whispering and occasionally gasping at the amazing phenomena they come across…
One of these ‘shows’ is called Paranormal Lockdown, it’s on Freeview channel 38. Is this the one where they have to flash up on the screen at the start, This Show is for Entertainment Purposes Only?
Here we go then!

We are possibly looking too hard here – a negative oppressive feeling just came over me – we really are going to wake this thing up! – oh, I wasn’t expecting this! – yes, they are… shhhh!… – they are now back in their hiding places – I can see something around you right now – the house is coming alive! – an electro magnetic field! – vibration waves! – the lights came on and off – is there something evil here? – it says, ‘Satan was here’ – something is trying to attach itself to me – ha, there’s water in here! – a demonic presence? – a pool! – to go into the kitchen? – I just saw a shadow-man behind you! – whoa! that came from the kitchen! – holy shit! – all the cupboard doors just opened! – is anybody there? – send help? send help? – the very ground is shaking! – everybody get out! – oh shit!…

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in brain, conversation, drama, expletives, humour, information, instruction, irony, magic, mind, observations, puzzle, religion, seeing, sweating, thinking, TV and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to For entertainment purposes only…

  1. ktz2 says:

    ‘Something is trying to attach itself to me’.. I hate it when that happens !
    Is anybody there? Everybody get out ! hahaha

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s