Just a few short, but pithy items…

But first…
Dulltown, UK/Europe: Today’s elephant in the room is the one flicking through an old hardback copy of The Hound of the Baskervilles, waving her trunk around and snorting with derision.

Excuses for being late. No. 420.
I’m sorry I’m late, but I had a couple of Mormons in out of the rain.

A single overheard remark:
‘Paul, it was nothing like a bosom match!’

Heard on the BBC TV news:
‘The police were stepping up their crackdown.’
Can one step up a crackdown? I suppose so, but it sounds pretty tricky!
Oh, journalists eh? They are always so desperate to spice things up by shoving their pissy punchy phrases into everything they come up with.

‘I say…’
‘Do you like madrigals?’
‘Mad wriggles?’
‘Well, I suppose so… It would depend on the circumstances.’
‘The circumstances?’
‘Hm, I think so…’

An observation:
A pretty, nicely dressed girl in her late teens was sitting a couple of seats in front of me on the upper deck of the bus; she was looking out of the window in a downwards direction. A young man was waving up to her from the pavement. I clearly heard her mutter under her breath, ‘You better fuck off, you fat cunt!…’

Yes, what about spam?
But what’s this, flopping about wide-eyed and grinning in my comments box? It seems to be from someone with the unlikely name of Cheap Plus:
Mother of the Bride Sale & Discount Dresses | Shop for cheap Mother of the Bride Dresses? We have great 2019 Mother of the Bride Dresses on sale Vdressy offers a variety of styles Mother of the Bride outfits here, from retro, elegant to moderate variety of mother of the bride dresses ,colorful selection of short or plus sizes dresses under 100. Inexpensive Cheap Mother of the Bride/Groom Dresses online. cheap plus size bridesmaid dresses with sleeves.
Well, thank you Cheap Plus, I appreciate your getting in touch, but I’m afraid I’m still not very clear on what it is that you have on offer – perhaps you could send more details – I am a size 12 by the way, but I’m open to being persuaded otherwise. Do not hesitate to get in touch again – and I love your style!

Yes, I’m thinking of changing my name to Ruby Conn-Crost.

A single overheard remark:
‘She lives in a little cotton wool world, doesn’t she?…’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in abstract, advertising, animals, books, conversation, Dulltown, existentialism, expletives, fashion, Hull.UK., humour, information, overheard, people, serendipity, spam, style, surrealism, swearing, TV, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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