Ugg and Lugg, and those other people…

But first…
Dulltown, UK/Europe: Today’s special colours are: fruity brown, delicious yellow, tangy turquoise, succulent beige, salty mauve, spicy blue, and the colour of that stain on the ceiling where the rain came in two years ago.
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‘Ugg… Ugg!…’
‘Eh? What’s up Lugg?’
‘What are you doing?’
‘Oh, nothing really, I was just thinking…’
‘Thinking eh?… Ugg…’
‘Hm?…’
‘Whose turn is it to tidy up and clear out the cave? Only, that pile of pterodactyl bones in the corner is starting to get a bit whiffy.’
‘Oh Lugg, you’re right! It’s my turn, I’ll get on with it in a minute… It’s funny though…’
‘Funny?’
‘Yes Lugg, I was just thinking about such things.’
‘Oh?’
‘Yes, have you ever been over the top of Big-Hill, to the other side?’
‘No, I haven’t, but I’ve heard that the folk are a very strange lot over there.’
‘Hm, I’ve heard that too – they have really good flint there, but they can’t seem to make decent stone axes and scrapers!’
‘Oh really? Hey Ugg…’
‘What?’
‘Someone said, I think it was Pugg, or it might have been Pugg’s girlfriend Nugg, that the people over there don’t even have proper normal names!’
‘Hm…’
‘Yes, they’ve all got silly names like Tagg, Bagg, and Kragg!’
‘Yes, I know!…’
‘Ugg… Why were you thinking about cleaning out caves just now?’
‘Well, you know Big-Chief Smugg doesn’t clear out his cave, never has…’
‘Yes, I know, Spugg does it for him – he gets a couple of extra mammoth slices for doing it.’
‘Not any more Lugg!’
‘No?’
‘No, Smugg has a couple of those big blokes from over Big-Hill doing it now.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes, and he only gives them half a slice of mammoth – between the two of them!…’
‘That’s odd!’
‘Isn’t it?… Anyway Lugg, that’s what I was thinking about… Oh, and then, there’s Holy-Man Gugg.’
‘Oh, what about him?’
‘He’s got a couple of Big-Hill chaps helping with his ceremonies now – Ragg and Magg!’
‘But Thugg and Fugg used to do that – they didn’t like it much, but they did put up with all that awful chastising and smiting that went on.’
‘You see Lugg, Ragg and Magg seem to be much hardier, and can stand it for longer, so that’s how Gugg likes it now!’
‘Ugg…’
‘Yes?’
‘You know how you hate going to the weekly mammoth disembowelling…’
‘Yes, I can’t stand it! It’s really messy and awful!’
‘Well, why don’t you get a couple of Big-Hill folk to go in your place? You could give them a bit of fruit or something!…’
‘Yes… Or better still, in return I could show them how to knap their nice flint into bigger better axes!’
‘Yes Ugg… Or rather no!… Hang on!…’
‘Oh, you’re right Lugg, that would be a really bad idea!… I’ll stick with giving ’em a bit of fruit…’

And so, Colonialism and the Free Market Economy were invented.

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in archeology, brain, colours, conversation, drama, dreaming, finance, food, history, humour, information, learning, people, politics, religion, thinking, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Ugg and Lugg, and those other people…

  1. Oh your stories do make me smile! 🙂

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