So, what’s happened to our months then?…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s well-established English expletive is Codswallop! e.g. You, are talking codswallop!
There are several ideas on the origin of this word; they involve ‘cod’ meaning scrotum, and ‘wallop’ being a euphemism for Bollocks. But I have my own theory:
‘Wallop’ is a well-known term for beer, or a drink, and the ‘cod’ just refers to the fish of that name. What does a cod drink? Not proper beer, but seawater! You are talking seawater!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

‘What the hell month is it?’
‘Eh?’
‘Month!’
‘May?’
‘Alright… Good!…’
‘Why do you ask?’
‘Well, I’m all confused, you know, since they changed some of the names.’
‘The names of the months?’
‘Hm…’
‘Who?… Who, changed the names?’
‘Well, the journalists, on the BBC for one.’
‘For one?’
‘Yes.’
‘When did all this happen?’
‘Slowly, it happened slowly, they slipped it in gradually, thinking that no-one would notice…’
‘Why?’
‘Nobody knows… But I noticed!… It’s a complete miss tree.’
‘A miss tree?’
‘Yes… See, even I’m doing it now! Bloody ‘ell!’
‘Doing what?’
‘Reducing the syllables.’
‘Oh, you mean reducing the three syllables in the word mys-ter-y, down to two?’
‘Exactly! That’s what happened to our sodding months, I can’t get used to it.’
‘It was the BBC then?’
‘Oh yes, but they not the only ones!’
‘No?’
‘But they are the ringleaders! What with all their Americanisms, they think they are being in some way more cool, and dynamic!’
‘Cool?…’
‘Yes, another example is the letter ‘A’.’
‘The letter ‘A’?’
‘Yes, instead of saying “a number of people” pronouncing the indefinite article ‘a’ as ‘uh’, as we have done for centuries…’
‘Centuries? Are you sure?’
‘Yes, now they all say ‘A’ – number of people! There’s no reason nor rhyme to it.’
‘Certainly no rhyme…’
‘And they say things like ‘A’-nother, and ‘A’-gainst the tide – you know, that sort of thing.’
‘I see.’
‘And just yesterday, I heard one of the buggers say, ‘A’ independent evaluation…
‘No!…’
‘Yes!… and then they said, It’s extraordinary difficult.’
‘What’s the world coming to?’
‘There was a woman on BBC Radio 3…’
‘Classical music station?’
‘Yes… She uttered…’
‘Uttered?’
‘Yes, she uttered, Their music speaks so articually.’
‘Good God! That’s not even a word!… But what’s this about our months?…’
‘It’s the ongoing reduction of our syllables! Our syllables are being spirited away in the night.’
‘Do you mean ‘A’-way in the night?’
‘Certainly not!… Don’t you start!… Our four-syllable months have vanished, didn’t you notice?’
‘I can’t say I did.’
‘We’ve just the one, the two, and the three-syllable ones left now! It’s an outrage!’
‘Maybe the changes are just tempry?’
‘Don’t you dare go there!… Are you making fun of me?…’
‘Yes, I am, but in a gentle way… Actually I heard someone, on the BBC yesterday, use the word “vaccine” twice in the same sentence, but the first time they said vac-cine and the second time they said vac-cine.’
‘Well, there you go!’
‘Yes, there I do, go… So, we’ll have to get used to pronouncing the first two months as Janry, and Febry – what about December?’
‘We’ll have to learn to call that Dee-cember!’
‘It’s shit, isn’t it?’
‘Hm… That’s right. Oh, and how about the month of  Joo-lie?’
‘Doh!… I hadn’t spotted that one!’

About Dave Whatt

Grumpy old surrealist artist, musician, postcard maker, bluesman, theatre set designer, and debonair man-about-town. My favourite tools are the plectrum and the pencil...
This entry was posted in academia, brain, conversation, cool, drama, dreaming, existentialism, expletives, fashion, Grumpiness, history, humour, information, irony, learning, observations, overheard, puzzle, radio, surrealism, swearing, thinking, words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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