Some words that you won’t be needing…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s interesting fish names are: the jewel fish, the humuhumunukunukuapua’a, the flagblenny, the cardinal tetra, and the delta smelt.

Good morning class…
Today we will be thinking up and searching for words with which to describe the President of the United States of America, Donald J Trump.
To make your task just a little bit easier, here is a short list of words that you won’t be needing:



Posted in adjectives, celebrities, humour, information, instruction, thinking, Uncategorized, words | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

A photograph with ‘meaning’?…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s quotation is from N F Simpson’s 1958 play A Resounding Tinkle – in this scene the character ‘author’ is discussing theatre criticism:
And in this search for a meaning we have some very good allies in the critics. They know a great deal about these things. They are trained to find meanings, and even if there are no meanings to be found, they rarely come unprovided with spare meanings which with a little wire and string can be often be fastened quite securely.

I have just been poking around in my dusty files for a nice photo to show you dear reader – this one is from three or four months ago – I’m gradually getting up to date and reducing the time between taking and posting these things.
Here we go then:

Oh, I do like this one!
So, what about my idea of shoving all the interest into the top left-hand corner of the frame? And isn’t it funny what an unsettling presence that scrape, or crack in the wall in the top right corner has? That whole right-hand area is so empty and grey – the eye tries to ignore it, but that cheeky little mark pulls us away from the colourful easy-on-the-eye scene at the other side – it’s saying, Hey! Hey! Look up here!…
And what about that black dot right in the middle of the tile just north of central – and then you can’t help but notice its two fainter eye-like companions in the joint above – which just might make the dot a mouth?…
It’s funny isn’t it? All the three-dimensional (almost) gorgeous grassy figurative stuff pushed over there to one side makes one examine the rest of the picture more carefully than one might – having it off to the left like that might make us wonder if there could be some sort of ‘meaning’ built into this composition…

I expect you are wondering just what it is that we are looking at here.
Well, this shows the wall of a closed down cafe/burger/pizza joint here in the centre of Dulltown. The grey wall, and the tiles are part of the original frontage of the place – the area framed in blue was the front window of the establishment through which you could glance and return the gazes of the customers peering out as they stuffed their fat faces. Because it had been unused for a while, and, as Dulltown was UK City of Culture last year, the local council tried to cheer the town centre up by sticking cheery optimistic pictures in the windows of all the closed down shops – hence the jolly picnicking family enjoying a balmy afternoon in the city centre gardens.

Posted in art, brain, colours, composition, creation, Dulltown, Hull.UK., humour, information, observations, photography, seeing, serendipity, style, surrealism, theatre | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Some overheard and misheard snatches of cafe conversation…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s rather nice colours are: Bodmin blue, Tonbridge turquoise, Margate mauve, Yarmouth yellow, Rickmansworth russet, Peterborough pink, Godalming green, and Hull heliotrope.

‘It deepened John, it deepened…’
‘No, see it as an up-step Karl!’
‘A creation cheese-mate?’
‘You’ll find it’s a doughnut career Penny.’
‘Now you point it at hogs-a-dinkum!’
‘You, a depth sinker Tom? A solid drinker?’
‘One more booker tackle with a quartz end?’
‘A colour-phone, and a very very small tank.’
‘Go electric next season Patrick, it’s an endurance slide!’
‘A bake pack is so expensive, but so swish!’
‘Carrie says close the app and the tiger goes cups…’
‘Jake! Don’t try to push your foot, I have told you!’
‘Crow-bat cops, cups, pups, weather ice, and the reason why…’
‘Handel – kinda like Schubert the fence pig…’
‘What? A wrist freeze number?’
‘One of us must go for the borrum cubbo-mizzlist.’
‘An electricity house tidy.’
‘Aha! Conflict buried, we should all chew ballads now.’
‘Got a fradgy frozen waist from da-winda!’
‘A running punk hamster emergency…’
‘Swiss napples?’

For some information on how these lines are compiled, you could click here.

Posted in brain, cafe, colours, conversation, drama, dreaming, Dulltown, existentialism, Hull.UK., humour, misheard, serendipity, surrealism, words | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Doom and the priest in the dim cupboard…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s quotation is from the Sherlock Holmes story The Adventure of the Dancing Men by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle:
(Watson) I looked in amazement at the absurd hieroglyphics upon the paper.
“Why, Holmes, it is a child’s drawing,” I cried.
“Oh, that’s your idea?”
“What else should it be?”
“That is what Mr Hilton Cubitt, of Riding Thorpe Manor, Norfolk, is very anxious to know. This little conundrum came by the first post, and he was to follow by the next train. There’s a ring at the bell, Watson. I should not be very much surprised if this were he.”

There is a nice looking catholic church in the centre of Dulltown. As I was walking past it last Tuesday afternoon, on my way to get some pop rivets from F R Scott’s, I happened to see a familiar scruffy shape come out from the grand front door and skip down the steps – it was whistling a cheery tune – the shape then announced, to no one in particular, ‘Ah, I do feel better for that!…’
He looked up and spotted me, and said, ‘Oh, hello shit-head!’ I responded with, ‘Oh, hello Simon.’ It was Simon Doom, ne’er-do-well poet from the glory days of the Hull Surrealist League.
I said, ‘I didn’t know you were religious Simon.’
‘I’m not,’ he said, ‘but I have just been to confession.’
‘I see…’ I said.
‘No, you don’t,’ he said.
‘Oh,’ I said, ‘What were you confessing?’
‘Oh, nothing, I just popped in, found the appropriate cubbyhole, popped in, and said, you know – that bless me Father stuff – or whatever it is.’
‘Oh yes?’
‘And then I read him my latest spoem (spoof poem) – I like to try to reach a really wide audience with my work – here’s a spare copy of it for you too – it is a very good one!’
‘Yes, I’m sure… Did the priest seem impressed with your spoem then?’
‘Well, after I’d finished reciting the four very pithy verses at him through the gauze, he was very quiet for a long while – I think he was thinking…’
‘And then he said he’d like to do some praying, for my “troubled soul”.’
‘Well, that was nice of him,’ I said.
We then parted company, I went off to try to get rivets, and Doom zoomed off towards the nearest pub. As he went he shouted back, ‘There are some obscure hidden literary references in the spoem – I’m sure you’ll spot them…’

Doig pelamore fegre pulmoth!
Tumsail cranch, whoomer cranch.
Forredinga footh ba-ba-ba ossage.
Sylpher oims tugmastic shoups.
Bulva bulva uthnic palzo…

Clim oitle fefferage jellatoid!
Pozela cranch, teffallophane cranch.
Grandoline harb ot-ot-ot junnels.
Signaldo chemmy tugmastic obbs.
Bulva bulva uthnic palza…

Trell boovane oth chox!
Giffle cranch, ormentic cranch.
Guggathorn dits cu-cu-cu bemps.
Weelcack hume tugmastic noops.
Bulva bulva uthnic palzu…

Zyte omeron jitheral quap!
Boim cranch, terrodic cranch.
Eigle fux-fux da-da-da zomso.
Linebarger umadial tugmastic bongies.
Bulza bulva uthnic palze…

Simon Doom 2018.



Posted in abstract, brain, conversation, cool, creation, Dulltown, Hull.UK., humour, poetry, puzzle, reading, serendipity, style, surrealism, words, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Some people seem to like spam…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s carefully selected adjectives are: wishy-washy, crinal, latrant, scatophagous, goliardic, sumphish, and bruised.

I remarked a week or two ago on these pages how the number of items of spam flopping and flapping into my comments box like daft fish had suddenly decreased – well, I’m pleased to announce that the flow seems to be back to its former level – hurray! Unfortunately they are not quite as wild and bizarre as they used to be – oh, and there are fewer of those nice religious ones – I do like the religious ones, they make me giggle, and at the same time feel sad for the writer. Anyway, I have gathered a new bunch of these wonderfully strange communications together for you to enjoy today dear reader:

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magnificent issues all together, you simpply received a
new reader. What could you suggest about your post that you simply made a
few days in the past? Any positive?…

Posted in abstract, adjectives, brain, humour, information, instruction, learning, poetry, religion, serendipity, style, surrealism, words, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Uncle Dave’s Photo Club…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s interesting fish names are: the antenna codlet, the celebes rainbow fish, the fire bar danio, the mouthbrooder, and the requiem shark.

Good evening everyone, and welcome to Uncle Dave’s Photo Club.
Er, Billy, please stop zooming your big expensive telephoto lens in and out like that – you are not being at all amusing – just pop it back in its pouch please – thank you. Now, this evening’s session… Hang on! Do I hear someone’s shutter clicking away? Whomever that is, please desist!…
This evening I am going to pose the pithy question – what is the difference between a photograph of something interesting, and, an interesting photograph? No, Lionel, it doesn’t require an answer – it’s a rhetorical question, for me to build upon as I progress. Sandra, did you just yawn into your cupped hand?… Hm…
You see, lots of people, lots of photographers, fall into the trap, when they come across something which they find visually interesting, of thinking – Aha! I’ll take a picture of this interesting thing – it will make an interesting photograph – people will warm to it and they will appreciate my cleverness… Pablo, are you listening? You could learn something useful here!
You see, something which you might find interesting, as you perhaps walk down to the shops to buy a carton of milk – for example, a glorious sunset boiling up in the sky that takes your breath away with its majesty – might be very interesting at the time, but won’t look that impressive in a photo later on. People have seen lots and lots of badly composed pictures of sunsets on friend’s phones and on dreary social media sites – even if these pictures were well composed it wouldn’t make that much difference. Please don’t put your hand up Lionel, if you need to go to the toilet just slip out quietly, and try not to kick too many chairs over as you go.
Now, suppose, on your way to the shops for your milk, you pause to get your camera out to snap your sunset, then you notice, sitting on the top of a low wall, an old skinny black dog with its nose up howling into the evening sky, or a silhouetted cat, stretching and arching its back, or an abandoned ornate gold-effect antique table lamp with a badly dented shade standing there – you could get any one of these things nicely in focus in the corner of your frame, and have that glorious sky filling the rest of the composition. Now, you see, that would be some picture! A picture that has so much more to offer than just another bloody sunset. It’s almost a narrative, cause and effect, people do like that sort of thing – no, really, they do! You catch my drift? Thank you Lionel, oh, and welcome back – you were very quick – did you change your mind?
Yes, Sandra, you are right, if you don’t happen to spot a scruffy dog, an arching cat, or a busted table lamp… Yes, that’s it! You don’t take the picture!
The great idea is that you train yourself to go around, always on the lookout for… No Lionel, not dogs, cats, and lamps – but other visual oddities, disparate things, serendipitous juxtapositions of things, that might intrigue, or amuse the eventual viewer of your work. Did that loud yawning sound just issue from you Sandra?…
Sometimes you can produce an interesting and arresting image from the most mundane of things. I see that you have your big lens out again Billy… Thank you! I don’t think we need see it again. Yes, a pretty mundane thing which might just have something about it – an interesting shape, or colour – for instance, a broken-off tree stump that looks not unlike an aerial shot of New York complete with its skyscrapers – or a an old bit of wood with bolts going through it that look like owl eyes. Yes Sandra, owl eyes… Oh, are you off now? Well thanks for at least turning up… To conclude then – always keep your eyes open for interesting compositions – and always have your camera with you! Billy, do you have your big lens with you all the time? Hm, I thought not, it’s a bit too heavy eh?

Posted in academia, art, brain, composition, creation, humour, information, instruction, learning, photography, seeing, serendipity, words | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

This blog is for entertainment purposes only…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s existential angst is centred around the sound of the word unwieldy.

It is nice to have a TV colourfully flickering away in the corner of the room isn’t it? Even if the sound is turned off one feels like one is, in some small way, in contact with the world – if something ghastly suddenly happens the-powers-that-be will surely break in and tell you all about it…
So, what’s on at the moment? I need to sit down and goggle at something whilst I eat this very nice poached egg on buttered toast. Hm: skinny athletes charging in a bunch around a curved track, idiot footballers galloping after a ball on very green grass, David Attenborough whispering to us in the steaming dripping undergrowth, a programme on buying crap in a car boot sale and then selling it again… oh, and what’s this just starting on Tru TV? I like things that are true!¬† It’s an American show called Ghosts in My Home – I think I’ll watch some of that – you can’t go wrong with a bit of spookiness at mealtimes can you? Oh, listen, at the start of the show a trustworthy male voice comes over and solemnly intones, This Program is for Entertainment Purposes Only… Thank goodness for that – I’d be rather worried about my¬†Weltanschauung if I started believing in such daftness. Nice poached egg, this! I think that I might jot down a few items from the commentary as those plucky psychic ‘experts’ creep around someone’s house in the dead of night, flashing their torches around the place, and doing some heavy breathing into their microphones…

An intuitive healer – motion detectors in the bedroom – she challenges the entity – the light just went on and off! – there’s nothing to see now – what the hell was that! – every cupboard door is open now! – I’m feeling it, in a psychic way – I’m bombarded with messages – the voices in my head – dozens of spirits now – it’s always in the basement! – she follows the ghost – a white flowing dress? – a mother spirit? – the unseen entity calls her outside – it’s creeping me out – more spirits are coming inside! – I have a deep psychic connection – ah, a different energy! – finally the spirits speak – intense!…

Posted in brain, drama, existentialism, food, humour, information, magic, mind, religion, seeing, serendipity, sweating, TV, words | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments