Wish I’d never heard of astronomy!…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s carefully selected colours are: naughty navy, buggered beige, optimistic orange, veilleuse violet, porporate purple, pornocracy pink, and that funny lilac that Jim’s car seats went after they’d been exposed to the summer sun for a while.
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Yes, another Badger Book from my collection, a cheap British pulp science fiction novel from the 1960s by the man who wrote virtually all the science fiction and supernatural novels for Badger, Robert Lionel Fanthorpe. (click)
By the way, that ‘2/-‘ at the top of the book cover is the price, it’s the way we used to denote ‘two shillings’ in the days when we British still had the ‘old money’ – pounds, shillings and pence. There’s a nice rubber stamp mark inside the cover too – it says Presented by The London Harbour Lights Guild, and it has an image of a flag with The Missions To Seamen and a ‘flying angel‘ on it.
Shall we see what the blurb on the back cover can tell us about the Asteroid Man dear reader?
…Where is the missing Squadron Leader?
Who is the terrible, ageless asteroid man? So strong he can control the destiny of a planet. What is the beautiful Princess Astra of Altain doing in the labyrinth below the surface of the asteroid? (Being the 1960s, I reckon, even though she is a princess, she is probably hoovering the carpet, doing the dishes, and washing Asteroid Man’s socks and shirts!)
“Asteroid Man” is yet another first rate authentic science fiction thriller from one of to-day’s most popular authors, R. Lionel Fanthorpe M.B.I.S.
So, what about this cover painting then? It’s not very good is it? Well I don’t think so. It’s not by the usual and rather good Badger cover artist Henry Fox – look, it’s signed, but I can’t make it out – it looks like C’HA’ CK.I – no, that can’t be right…
The reason I don’t think much of the work? Well, the chap strapped to his chair, in his space suit, twiddling with his knobs, inside a large transparent bubble, is pretty good, and space outside with sparkly cross-like stars is fine too, but it’s the pushy Asteroid Man himself, poking his head in at us from the side saying ‘Hello!’, as if he’s photobombing the book cover. Look at all that black around his head too – what’s that all about then? Perhaps C’HA’ CK.I messed up one side of A M’s face, and thought, Oh bugger! I think I’ll just cover it with black paint, this is only for a cheap SF novel after all!¬†If I’d been doing this piece of work, I don’t think I’d have bothered with those vampire teeth either – they don’t really add much to the composition do they? They look very uncomfortable – imagine him trying to eat porridge or soup from a spoon…
Now shall we delve inside these crumbling brown pages and sample the writing style dear reader?
Jonga kicked over the chart table with a savage oath. Krull raised an eyebrow inquisitively.
“What’s wrong Jonga?”
“Everything!”retorted his colleague. “Every blasted thing in the galaxy! Every blasted thing in the universe! I’m sick and tired and fed up. Wish I’d never heard of astronomy!”
And…
…an enormous sea of concussion, and violence,and destruction.
Everything erupted into a mad, tearing orgy.
Rivets screamed as they left their sockets. Bulkheads and portions of fuselage buckled and twisted and crumpled. The graceful outline of the dart ship broke and twisted and concertina’ed till there was practically nothing left of it…
And…
“Got it,” said Masterson. “Got the swine! Astra, don’t be afraid, it’s dead! Astra! Astra!” he spun round shouting. The corridor was empty. Nothing but echoing darkness. From the darkness, seemingly very distant and far away, he heard a faint guttural laugh and a girl’s faint scream for help…
‘Damn!” he swore savagely.

Posted in archeology, art, books, cool, drama, history, humour, information, painting, reading, story, style, words, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Some opening lines for stories never to be written…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s image worth turning the TV on for this morning is the Trump Baby flying over Westminster. (TB)
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Gwen found the pub easily enough after emerging from the Sloane Square tube station. She pushed open one of the red-painted brass handled swing doors and peered inside. The instructions written in pencil on the scrap of paper had specified a tall bearded man holding a copy of the Daily Telegraph. There were three of them standing separately at the bar, but all three turned to stare as Gwen quietly slipped inside and let the door swing shut behind her…

Even in the moonlight Carter Boo found the pod easy to steer and manoeuvre; looking down he could see the white lights of the cars moving on the otherwise dark highway, he descended and after a few minutes found a wide slow-moving semi-trailer truck to land on. Boo ‘Trucker’ Carter heard a loud thud from above his head; the previous night’s dream seemed to be coming true, he reached into his jacket pocket and brought out the tantalizer ray…

‘No no no! Not over there, over here!’ snarled the gaunt figure robed in black; that crisp harsh voice reverberated and bounced around the smooth marble walls and portly pillars until it finally came to rest and died in dark corners. Horace picked up the shapely black case which contained the euphonium and walked over to the makeshift pulpit and sacrificial altar, he offered the instrument out at arm’s length, but the entity snapped, ‘On the slab! Just put it on the slab, you wretch!…’

Yes, Harvey hated firearms; he had never in his life even touched one. But it was since the recurring dreams started up that the hatred had fully developed. So it was more than a little upsetting when his Great Uncle Tom died and left him a supposedly deactivated Ex-Army Lee-Enfield 303 rifle in his will. The incident occurred as Harvey was taking it home on the bus from the lawyer’s office, it was wrapped in brown paper. He was carrying it up the stairs to the upper saloon when suddenly a pigeon…

A battered cardboard box about size of a small pig fell from the open back door of a passing van and burst open at Penny Dot’s feet. She stopped in her tracks and managed to avoid falling over it; she looked down at the contents scattered across the pavement: four mangos, two thick black bibles, a model of the Eiffel Tower, a pair of ice skates tied together with string, a rusty chrome toaster with a slice of toast still in it, a tenor banjo, and a decorated plastic Yule log. She snatched up the banjo, gave it a quick twang, and ran off up the road with it…

 

Posted in celebrities, composition, creation, drama, people, puzzle, story, surrealism, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Dreary scissors…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s carefully selected adjectives are: flippant, hydatoid, roysterous, xyridaceous, oblanceolate, scurfy, and rumbling.
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As I usually include an item of spam (from my comments box) when I am compiling one of my regular A Few Small, But Pithy Items posts, I have now to be on the lookout for, and collect the best spam items for future use – well, of course I don’t think I really mean ‘best’ – I probably mean ‘most amusing’ or perhaps ‘charmingly garbled’.
Here are a few spare ones for you:

Forumza:
Develop a calm saying. Many people make use of a good saying or affirmation that they can say repeatedly when they begin to feel really stressed. By reiterating the affirmation, it is possible to silence the better critical thoughts you might be experiencing concerning the condition. Next time you happen to be experiencing emphasised, attempt stating the affirmation ten times in a row.

Maurice D:
When fishing in cold weeks and especially when ice cubes sport fishing, put on a good amount of tiers and convey free clothing. You could always remove extra levels, nevertheless, you can’t place on outfits you didn’t provide. Sportfishing is often a moist enterprise, and also in the frosty, drenched clothing might be a fantastic. Exchange damp clothes.

Ubunt:
Effectively like Mommy said, after we love each other and love the world
that Jesus died for, that?’s a type of worship. After we take into consideration God and hearken to the sermon or in Sunday
College, that’s a manner of worshipping because
were studying how great God is and He likes that.
Or when we sit around and tell each other what the greatest issues about God are.
You understand how much you want listening to folks say how
smart or cute you boys are? Well God likes after we speak together about how nice He is? Daddy answered.

CurtisCem:
Although you may only need a quick snip of your clip, in no way use typical home or dreary scissors to slice the hair. Hair reducing must be carried out with specific and razor-sharp scissors or you threat harming it and organising away from all of your style. Look for inexpensive head of hair cutting scissors and reserve these to use for hair only.

Crougs:
To conclude, finesse and perseverance are important aspects of golfing. Getting the playing golf ball to arrive at the correct place in the eco-friendly, needs finger-eye coordination. Like a golfer’s abilities boost, he will become a far greater golfer gamer. Utilizing the guidance using this post, it is possible to boost your expertise and grow a better golfing gamer. Looking after your hair: address it like other people you know.

Posted in adjectives, brain, cool, creation, humour, information, instruction, learning, poetry, reading, religion, serendipity, style, surrealism, words, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Mail Art Postcard. No. 4620…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s extract is from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes story The Man With the Twisted Lip:
Dr Watson:
Isa Whitney, brother of the late Elias Whitney, D.D., Principal of the Theological College of St. George’s, was much addicted to opium. The habit grew upon him, as I understand, from some foolish freak when he was at college; for having read De Quincey’s description of his dreams and sensations, he had drenched his tobacco with laudanum in an attempt to produce the same effects. He found as so many more have done, that the practice is easier to attain than to get rid of…
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So, you see, in that cheapskate tawdry British TV listings magazine What’s On TV, they show you in pictorial form (what a funny word pictorial is!) highlights of what is in store for the coming week. Yes, this is another of my mail art postcards, a simple collage on bright card. (Well it’s not even a ‘collage’ this is it? It’s just snipped straight from the trashy rag un-messed with. Perhaps rather than ‘creating’ here, I am ‘curating’?)
Well, the Sunday lady makes that ‘vape’ ‘electronic cigarette’ thing look more like something Isa Whitney (mentioned above) might be interested in – she does have a bit of a dreamy look about her don’t you think dear reader? But what a brilliant invention those things are! People all over the world are enjoying sucking in much less harmful smoke – I do approve! Was it Mick Jagger who once remarked that cigarettes were far harder to give up than heroin?
What about Monday then? Well, there’s a rather stern looking chap sporting a moustache that doesn’t really suit the shape of his face, wearing a pretty wrinkled brown jacket with an armband with a surprisingly eye-catching logo on it – black, red and white always go together so well, don’t you think?
Speaking of logo design, the Monday chap’s logo is a much more effective one than the Tuesday chaps’ ones that have sewn onto their sheets, er, are those called ‘costumes’, or ‘robes’? I don’t know. You see to design a good logo you need to keep it simple – don’t fall into the trap that the chaps on the right have fallen into and make it more complicated than it need be – they’ve tried to get too many things in on theirs and ruined the effect. Oh, and pointy hats never look cool, they always seem to have an air of comedy and foolishness about them, they’d have been far more effective in black of course, or even red…
So, there we have it – Sunday, Monday, Tuesday – there does seem to be a suggestion of left to right, cause and effect in this composition – I suppose we don’t know where all this vaping might eventually lead – it’s still early days…

Posted in art, colours, composition, fashion, history, humour, information, Mail Art, postcards, serendipity, smoking, style, surrealism, TV, words, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Some snatches of overheard and misheard cafe conversation…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s ancient Egyptian deity is, the one appearing as a leonine dwarf, the god Bes. His associations are childbirth and the household. (Bes)
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‘Yes, she looked a real full blossom.’
‘I’m thinking of a pound – it’s psychology Don!’
‘What? A performance doctor?’
‘I’m consistently under the hot-light, like Jubes.’
‘It was like the tip off the old brick Mark.’
‘He looks so animal – sports car, you know…’
‘He-her, he-her, he-her, by 6 pm we were in North Wales!’
‘I agreed to the voice thoroughly, all the way down.’
‘Scheme-oh! Oh, scheme-oh!’
‘No know what I now know Peter…’
‘Pollyflux and the graveyard set?…’
‘April kingdom and cake Kate?’
‘Panky moon and then game over!’
‘Haddy-bean and beef bixers stick in my mind now.’
‘Michael do pobbly – whatever! Ha ha ha!…’
‘I was lost in the maze of the fantastic!’
‘Beryl ran over, in a barge?…’
‘Paul, I’m not the world’s best towel avenger you know.’
‘It was devil-rush day Tuesday.’

For some information on how these lines are compiled, you could click here.

Posted in archeology, brain, conversation, drama, Dulltown, history, humour, information, misheard, overheard, people, poetry, serendipity, surrealism, words | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

This is not art – No. 25…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s existential angst is centred around the sound of the word naturalistically – it has far too many syllables in it.
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Mm… this morning I was torn between calling this photograph This is Not Art – No. 25, and not calling it that. It doesn’t quite fit in the series – I usually go for ‘found things’ that have some evidence of human activity, such as sloppy unconsidered brush marks, or vandalism, or graffiti by some rough untalented dimwit. This photograph has neither, after all it’s just a piece of discarded cardboard box and some old and rather carelessly executed road markings…
Hm, let’s have a closer look…

If the cardboard hadn’t been there I wouldn’t have bothered.
Apart from the lugubrious attractiveness of the oozing filthy yellow road paint, its companion in the composition, the piece of cardboard box, is surprisingly rich in information: the fine longitudinal stripes – they could be on an expensive shirt front; its complex shape – the round-ended mysterious cut-out, the roughly torn saw-tooth edge at the top, the nonchalant sloping element on the bottom right, and that’s before we examine the red and black printing grouped in its centre.
Do you know what these are dear reader? I do, or I think I do – I believe they are called ‘registration marks’ – they are used by the printers of the cartons to make sure that the different colours of the image or lettering line up as the thing whizzes through the press. Note the cross in the circle – I’ll bet if this device, which is printed in both red and black, was a bit out of line someone in the factory would be immediately fired – well, probably not.
Actually if you zoom right in on the photo you’ll see that the two colours are indeed slightly out of register – go on dear reader, zoom in, have a look! Oh, what fun we have on these pages!…
I’m quite pleased with this found composition, it was well worth stopping for – and I didn’t even have to kick the cardboard with my foot to adjust its position to make the photo ‘better’ – in photography doing that is considered pretty bad form you know – it’s a cardinal rule – you should never mess with the scene of grime…

Posted in art, colours, composition, cool, existentialism, Hull.UK., humour, information, photography, seeing, serendipity, surrealism, words | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Lino print. 2018…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s existential angst is centred around the sound of the word jutting.
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Ah, the smell of the expensive oil-based black black ink, the shush shush hiss hiss of the roller, the brayer, as it spreads the sticky stuff onto the glass, the always surprising thinness and apparent frailty of the Japanese paper…
Well, that’s lino printing for you – shall we have a look at my latest one? You might have had a fleeting glimpse of this design in it’s early stages in a post several days ago, (click here). I promised to show you the finished thing as soon as it was done – it doesn’t have a title – I don’t usually bother titling these things. It is in a numbered edition of 10.

So, what, dear reader, do you think this is all about? Perhaps it’s not ‘about’ anything, perhaps it’s just a ‘decorative’ piece? Perhaps it is designed to be deliberately ‘annoying’?
Yes, I like the idea of that. Would you call it ‘abstract’? Hm, not really…
How about thinking of this image as a depiction of two framed pictures hanging on a wall, a wall papered with striped wallpaper, with random white dots on alternate stripes as a silly, easy to do, light-hearted folderol?
If these are pictures on a wall, they seem to be pictures of pyramids, but pyramids inhabiting a strange space – how very annoying! Look, each pyramid seems to be in front of it’s comrade to the right – see how it overlaps – but if that were the case they should,¬†being closer to us, be a little bit bigger than the one on the right – but they aren’t.
By the way dear reader, I’m just making all this up as I go along – I don’t think any of this twaddle was in my original planning – it was all done in a bit of a slapdash and random fashion – lots of serendipity kicking about here…
Do you like it?…

Posted in art, composition, creation, fine art prints, humour, information, lino printing, serendipity, style, surrealism, words | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments