But first…
Dulltown, Europe: Today’s heraldic term is ‘couter’ – armour worn to protect the elbow. I keep both of mine well polished at all times.
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Excuses for being late. No.87.
I’m sorry I’m late, but I got rather carried away writing my first rock opera.
Four hours of shovelling excrement today… It seems longer. Another half an hour before I can have a break… Just look at the way that the stinking stuff slides off the sides of the shovel and plops onto the filthy floor….
These masks that they give us are no bloody good – the stench still sticks in your throat. Oh no… more of it has just arrived – look at the load slide steaming out of the chute. Am I just too sensitive for all this? See, the others don’t seem to mind, they even manage a smile sometimes… I’m sure they don’t like me… I think that they sense that I’m different from them… Oh God, I hate working in the bank…
Today I think I might do a drawing in a disguised hand…
Oh look, there’s Bette Midler walking down Dagger Lane in Hull wheeling a double push-chair with a pair of yowling twins in it. She’s munching on a very large cheese salad baguette as she walks. I’m pretty sure it’s her, she’s got that wonderful wiggle, and that familiar arrogant look about her that we all know and love…
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Getting on a train, you spot only one free seat facing the direction of travel. You sit in it feeling somewhat pleased with yourself, but then when the carriage fills up you realise that you have at least twenty-five people all sitting staring straight at you…
Last week when I realised that I had to chisel a sizeable hole in the concrete floor of my front room to see whence the damp was coming, I put on my Knee-pad Redhawk Dickies. Yes, my Knee-pad Redhawk Dickies… Come on let’s all say it together – Knee-pad Redhawk Dickies, Knee-pad Redhawk Dickies, and once again please, Knee-pad Redhawk Dickies…
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Dave Whatt 
