Some song lyrics misheard over the cafe hubbub…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s eel is the studious one wearing horn-rimmed glasses and a Fair Aisle jumper…
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‘A Midas pile, oh oh oh Raymond…’
‘Ants tap, ants tap on your heart baby…’
‘Time was wanna be, you can be too be.’
‘Ton up, ton up, waddy-way you sucker!’
‘A tar file, does anybody touch you better?’
‘Oody bugger oh, oody bugger oh, oody bugger oh.’
‘Bordering on tweety now girl.’
‘A ship on poor sand – see, yes-no memory style!’
‘Lemons are sterical so.’
‘Rowley old time, dream on Jane!’
‘You wanna do my spine, oh yeah, oh yeah!’
‘Simple, a tune on fire! Say say say!…’
‘Look little kitty, I can troll free all…’
‘A trouble bar and a cold cactus?’
‘I’m singing if I had dancing girl.’
‘Hold me, hold me, chips are easy now!’
‘I see it comin’, I fish, I fish, see cheery paws…’
‘In water I let go your hair, dandy-mo, dandy-mo.’
‘Ah, happy stairs make me plead…’
‘Igloo, that’s right! Pie-e-eye sky…’
‘Gonna get you new blue – in your head, in your head.’
‘Time now falls ahead, ah time, it falls…’

If you would like some sort of explanation of the above, you could look at an earlier post of mine which may, or may not, clear things up. Click here.

Posted in brain, cafe, cool, existentialism, humour, information, mind, misheard, music, poetry, serendipity, sex, style, surrealism, words | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Chains and trains in the head…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s snail is the energetic, busy, nipping about one.
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When I was a young lad I once heard someone on the radio or the TV use the term ‘chains of thought’, or it might have been just ‘chain’ the singular rather than there being several of them. Of course, it could have been ‘train of thought’ instead; apparently both are in common usage, but for the moment shall we stick with chains rather than trains?
My curiosity was aroused, I wondered what these ‘chains’ of thought could be. I pictured shiny metal ones going across inside our heads holding the thoughts together – they would have to be pretty small and thin though, I mean, our heads aren’t that big are they? Could you perhaps, if you listened carefully, hear them rattle?
I very soon came to realise that these weren’t real chains at all, but metaphorical ones, like little wispy pathways, or railway tracks, that our thoughts could be sitting on, like milestones… Well no, not really like milestones, but maybe there are little crossroads, or junctions, where our thoughts might bump into each other, and exchange a wave or a nod as they pass along the way…
I remember lying in bed at night pondering on this – those pathways, those tracks – gosh, they could lead anywhere you fancied – they could lead to anything in the world, or even, beyond the world – so long as you made the right choices in which chains to stroll down, or which trains to get on. I suppose you’d have to have a good idea where you wanted to end up though…
I used to play a little mental game, just to keep my young brain lubricated, it went like this: Choose some object, or person, or animal, or anything, and hold it there in your head. Now choose another totally unrelated object, person, animal or thing at random, and using the links in your chain, your junctions, your crossroads, try to form a path to connect the two things together. I suppose this is a little bit like that Six Degrees of Separation thing I heard about much later on.
By the way, I assumed that everyone did this sort of thing lying in bed at night. (What else could you do if you weren’t sleepy?)
Let’s try connecting say, Elvis Presley and a cabbage. (As I write this, sitting here in a cafe at 5.16 on a Thursday afternoon in January, I have no idea if I can actually still do this, I might have to just scrap this idea for a blog post if I find that I can’t!)
Right then, here we go:
Elvis Presley – ‘the King’ as some people call him – King Cole was a merry old soul, as the song goes – Soul – the existence of… religion, churches – seasonal events – Harvest festival – the place full of flowers, bunches of wheat, piles of fruit and vegetables – vegetables – oh look, there’s a cabbage!…
Well that went reasonably well didn’t it? Did you used to do this sort of thing, or was it just me? This isn’t really the sort of thing you would discuss with people is it? While we are in the mood, shall we do another? How about connecting a hacksaw to Her Majesty the Queen?
Hacksaw – metalwork lessons at school, ouch! – Mr Parkinson the metalwork teacher – he didn’t get on at all well with the woodwork teacher Mr Wallis – his name was George Wallis, same as that scary right-wing Governor of Alabama in the 1960s – Alabama – while we are on US politics – Alabama sounds a bit like Obama – the first black president – (how about that George W?…) – leader, and head of state – speaking of ‘head of state’- ours is of course H M the Queen…

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Mail Art Postcard No. 4478…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s rather innocuous expletive is ‘By giggery!’ – yes, another wishy-washy Victorian oath where the utterer, in his heart, really wants to say ‘By Jesus!’, but can’t quite manage to get the word out…
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What a charming and vivacious young lady!… (I think I might be still in Victorian mode after writing that thing above.)
Hm, this is of course another of my mail art postcards – a simple collage using clippings from that awful British TV listings magazine What’s On TV.
Actually, just looking at it, I quite like the way the image has been clipped, or rather snipped and ripped. The bottom edges being straight cut with scissors and the upper ones just torn – that blue area looks great against the fluorescent green! – I expect that was bit of subconscious aesthetics on my part. Do you have subconscious aesthetics in your life dear reader?…
So, who is this?
I don’t know, but I expect that she is an actor (I generally say ‘actor’ rather than the old-fashioned ‘actress’ although some female actors do prefer to be referred to as ‘an actress’) in some dreary TV soap opera – me, I never watch ’em.
Yet again I have used the ‘stuck-on eyes’ trick – it always works well, you should give it a try. What surprises me here is that although I put the eyes on upside down, which usually has a really upsetting and scary effect, you hardy notice that here – she still looks quite happy and cheerful, I’m tempted to say ‘bubbly’ – me, I’d hate to be described as ‘bubbly’…
There goes that Dave Whatt, he’s always so bubbly!
No, I’m not!… Bugger off!…

Posted in art, brain, composition, expletives, humour, information, Mail Art, postcards, puzzle, seeing, serendipity, surrealism, TV, Uncategorized, words | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

The Lion nicely defaced…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s colours are: gargantuan green, yacht yellow, bruised blue, orangutan orange, and polished pink.
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You may recall that a couple of weeks ago I showed you a photograph of the front and back covers of another of my old junk shop books – the Lion Annual 1956. The time has come to open it and look inside; oh dear, I think one of the end papers is missing and what we can see here on the right is the title page instead:

dscn4746Yes, I think there should be a page with the other half of that map on it – there is a corresponding double page map at the end of the book showing the Southern Hemisphere, this being the remains of the Northern Hemisphere…
Hm… it looks like the owner of this volume, almost certainly a young lad, must have had a much younger brother or sister who managed to get at it and sabotage it – there is evidence of this outrage on many of the pages. Let’s call the lad Billy and the sibling Shirley.
I do love Shirley’s figure drawing – look at those arms sticking out of the sides of the chap’s body – oh, and those spiky fingers – ho ho! I think this might be copied from the Canadian lumberjack trotting across his floating logs top left – what do you think?
That’s a pretty good attempt at the letters ‘USA’ too, but I’m not sure about the letters to the right of the lion’s head – perhaps she was having a stab at the ‘A’ in the word ‘annual’?
Wouldn’t it be odd if Billy or Shirley were browsing the internet and came across this page of mine and recognised this book as theirs from 60 years ago? Shirley might be a be a great artist now…

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Posted in archeology, art, books, colours, creation, drawing, history, humour, information, style, surrealism | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Some small, but pithy items…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s ancient Egyptian deity is the god Arensnuphis, who appears as a man with the plumed crown. He is associated with Nubia and Philae. (A)
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Excuses for being late. No. 319.
I’m sorry I’m late, but I was confronting my inner demons.

A single overheard remark:
‘It’s on a jambourine!…’

Damn! I only went in the front room for my glasses – for some reason I picked up my guitar, and I got stuck playing the marvellous riff from Smokestack Lightning for ten minutes!…

A single overheard remark:
‘Just send me a picture of everything that you’ve got…’

Ah good, someone has left me a comment – oh dear, I think it’s just spam! It seems to be from someone called nfl jersey college:
Al Gore gave a marvellous concession speech. It was genuine, gracious, and patriotic. When I called to congratulate him, he told me that a friend who was a professional comedian had joked to him that he had gotten the best of both worlds: he had won the popular vote and didn’t have to do the job concrete block or member is generally performed by expert reinforcement fabricators or rebar detailers. They have pleaded not likely to be involved in a multi victim shooting in WEAPONS FREE ZONES do the math, first time I was addressed as ‘Ma’am’ instead of ‘Miss’ I felt like my youth was and take finished parts off the machine at the end after each cycle. With these devices,
Well, thank you nfl jersey college, I will certainly bear in mind what you have said, and I really do look forward to hearing from you again soon.

Yes, I think I’m going to change my name to Noah Parren-Treason.

An observation:
A chap walking in front of me in the town centre: he had a shiny pink shaved head, but the back of his neck was very hairy – there was distinct line of separation – you’d think he would have continued down a bit further with the shaver to make it a bit less abrupt wouldn’t you?…

A single overheard remark:
‘Yes, yes, but I do got to catch up on me soaps Mike!…’

Posted in archeology, conversation, cool, Dulltown, existentialism, fashion, history, Hull.UK., humour, misheard, music, observations, overheard, religion, seeing, serendipity, style, surrealism, words | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

The Smart Trousered Philanthropist…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s heraldic term is ‘honour point’ – the upper middle part of a shield. Me, I had mine left blank – I don’t really see the point of ‘honour’, in fact I’m not really sure what it is. (HP)
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‘Hello there, good morning, is this exhibition of work yours?’
‘Yes, it is, do you like it?’
‘Well, I’ve had a jolly good look around… I was particularly taken with the conical heap of dirty cardboard coffee cups, I see that you are a fan of Starbucks.’
‘Yes, you see, it’s a time-based piece, as I work day-to-day, I just…’
‘Yes, yes, indeed – and the large blow-ups of demands for payment for utility bills, threatening legal action – didn’t you consider having them properly mounted, and possibly put in frames, rather than just pinning them to the gallery wall?’
‘No, no, they would lose their significance, the perceived and created hierarchy of the publicly displayed object is subject to manipulation only by….’
‘Yes yes…’
‘…and a frame, or an expensive mount, it would negate the raw and extant relationship between the…’
‘And what about those old Victorian prints that you have vigorously coloured in with cheap wax crayons – did you credit the original artist for using his or her work?’
‘Oh?… Why would I do that?…’
‘Now then, what about these plastic bags containing finger and toenail clippings? I see that there is a used sticking plaster in one of the bags too, it seems to have a spot of blood on it.’
‘Oh yes, I accidentally cut my thumb opening the packet of freezer bags – the plaster really had to go in there with the other human debris of existence… part of the process… essential to the work!… You see?’
‘Yes I do, I do… Are all these pieces for sale?’
‘For sale? Oh, yes, of course… Are you a collector, a curator perhaps?’
‘In a sense…’
‘In a sense?’
‘Yes, you see I am fortunate enough to have accumulated, in my life, more money than I could ever spend, and I like to travel, doing a bit of good where I can. I am a sort of philanthropist… My aim is to go around making the world a slightly better place.’
“The world a better place”, that’s a wonderful thing to do!’
‘I think so…’
‘So, would you like to buy one of my pieces?’
‘I’d really like to buy them all.’
‘Really!… Wow! That’s great!’
‘But there is one condition.’
‘Oh?’
‘Yes, I want to take them with me, today.’
‘That would mean closing my exhibition, it has another three weeks to run.’
‘Yes, I’m afraid so.’
‘But you would pay for them all?’
‘Of course, I can give you a cheque right now.’
‘Alright… This is marvellous! Have you got transport to take them?’
‘Oh yes, my Bentley is parked at the end of the street, look you can see it out of the window, it’s the burgundy coloured one.’
‘Oh yes… What’s that trailer attached to the back of it?’
‘That’s my portable incinerator, Do you want to give me a hand carrying your stuff out? The whole lot should be ashes in under twenty minutes.’
‘You are going to burn all my work?’
‘Yes, that’s the idea. Just think of all the people who would have come in here to see your work – all that disappointment, the sighing and feeling that the art world is turning to shit, their feelings of despair, the wasted journey coming to the gallery, not to mention the hatred directed at you personally for putting this rubbish on – you, the perpetrator of this whole pointless pretentious shambles.’
‘But, I still get the money?’
‘Oh of course… but, I’ll double the amount on that cheque if you legally swear on oath that you will give up art all together.’
‘Oh dear! That’s a bit of a shock… I’ll really have to give that some very serious thought… Right, I’ve thought about it… Yes!…’
‘Excellent! Now there’s a bit of good I’ve done today! You start taking them down and I’ll go out and fire up the burners…’
‘Oh, by the way, can I video us burning it, you know, as a performance piece?’
‘Certainly not! You haven’t been listening have you!…’
‘Sorry, I’ll really have to stop thinking like that…’
‘Yes you will!…’

Posted in art, conversation, creation, drama, dreaming, heraldry, history, humour, surrealism, words | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Decalcomania! Decalcomania!…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s weather will feature tetrahedron shaped hailstones, round clouds that have the face of Donald Trump, birds hiding in low shrubs, strong gusts that smell of salt, and the sun setting in grey monochrome.
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Gosh, it seems ages since I showed you one of my decalcomania monoprints – here’s one, it is on nice white drawing paper and it is about 16″ x 12″ in size.
Decalcomania is a form of printing which relies heavily on serendipity and chance in the forming of the image. A while ago I published a post explaining how I make these prints; decalcomania is reasonably cheap and easy to do and the resulting print can be very pleasing, mind you, you must be open to ripping up and throwing a few of the ‘bad’ ones away. You could have a look at my little piece by clicking here.

So, what do you reckon this one is all about dear reader? Could this be a rock, a piece of coal, or a jacket potato that’s been left in the oven far too long?
Of course those ragged vertical white stripes didn’t come about by chance – that effect was achieved by ripping some pieces of masking tape along their length and sticking them on the glass plate (see my ‘how to do it’ page mentioned above) before blathering the black paint on and scraping it about; it does produce a nice three-dimensional effect doesn’t it?
I think we’d better just say that this piece is ‘abstract’ – it’s a very ‘loaded’ word is ‘abstract’. It’s a word that you might overhear whispered in a quiet art gallery on a wet Tuesday afternoon…

‘Well Beryl, I really don’t know what to make of this… What the hell is it supposed to be?’
‘What’s it say on that card on the wall next to it?’
‘Now, where did I put my glasses? Ah, here we are… Oh, it seems to be in French, I don’t really see why they…’
‘Oh Tommy, I don’t think it is supposed to be anything anyway – it’ll be abstract…’
‘Abstract!… Yes of course… Do you like it Beryl?’
‘I can take it or leave it…’
‘Same here – oh, look, there’s the gallery cafe over there…’

Posted in art, brain, composition, conversation, creation, decalcomania, fine art prints, humour, information, instruction, learning, prints, seeing, serendipity, style, surrealism, words | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments