Some song lyrics misheard over the cafe hubbub…

But first…
Dulltown UK/Europe: Today’s octopus is the one sitting in the cinema reaching out to sample popcorn from other people’s tubs…

‘Whoo! I get all my gates!…’
‘It’s stars… It’s stars… It’s stars!…’
‘I be losing my dog things – oh, my my…’
‘Thin king bout chew, my oranges are but walking words.’
‘Here are my peas, underneath the piano, oh…’
‘Baby, keep on rolling your love in my heart!’
‘Hey, hey, hey, keys! Yes, I got a few of those!’
‘Walk up and down, but don’t clap you own set babe.’
‘Let me take you higher, like a prior…’
‘Honesty and pockets – whoo-oo – mufti-mufti!’
‘Sleepy sound, it’s all around my head girl.’
‘I’m riding on the rolly-rolly…’
‘I know my cart is loose, but that’s when I saw your pie.’
‘Love wrist, no no no! Yes, I can see your rhyme now!’
‘Time on my own – gonna get my bottle loose.’
‘Smoke is always a slow stack history.’
‘Don’t call me out the raspberry gloom, it is a bumpy curve.’
‘Oh, a heavy doughnut eye…’
‘A low five, you toast my shadow, but you got it now!’
‘I take the pain of wild butter.’
‘See my filings baby, see my ducks are flying…’

For some information on how these lines are compiled you could click here.

Posted in abstract, brain, cafe, cool, drama, dreaming, existentialism, Hull.UK., humour, information, mind, misheard, music, poetry, serendipity, sex, surrealism, words, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Cherub, scarab, and arse…

But first…
Dulltown, UK/Europe: Today’s financial forecast is for people to alternately clutch banknotes to their chests and jingle their coins in their pockets.

Here’s a photo from last year, it was probably taken round about October time.
I snapped it in the Walker Art Gallery Liverpool when I drifted in after looking at a pretty good Op Art show in the Tate there.
Me, I quite like traditional old marble statues. I’m always amazed that humans can actually make such things out of such a hard and spiteful material. You would have to be very careful with your chiselling – one slip of the hammer and the whole bloody thing would be ruined – apparently it was really bad form to glue bits back on. Just imagine Michelangelo’s back yard full of almost complete Davids, but all of them with odd bits inadvertently chipped off when he’d been at the vino in the afternoon…

‘Yes dear?’
‘Where are you?’
‘I’m in the shower… What are you doing?’
‘Oh, I’m just toying with my scarab.’
‘With your what?’
‘My scarab.’
‘Oh, that’s alright then… Hey!…’
‘Yes mum?’
‘Does my bum look big from out there?’
‘No mum, it looks fine…’
‘Good boy!…’

Posted in academia, archeology, art, composition, cool, creation, finance, history, humour, information, photography, sculpture, seeing, serendipity, style | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Yes, it was a simple matter of a K2 and a K6…

But first…
Dulltown, UK/Europe: Today’s instruction is to put the collected garden worms into a shallow bowl; take off your shoes and socks and place your feet gently into the worms, taking special care not to squash the ones towards the bottom; raise your head, close your eyes, and sing your country’s nation anthem as nicely and respectfully as you can.

Part One:
Some time ago, it must be several months now at least, I posted a photo of a couple of cream coloured telephone boxes outside a pub in Dulltown Minor a few miles north (Click here); I snapped them out of the cafe window after sitting for a few minutes admiring their elegant design, which I later found out was the work of architect Sir Giles Gilbert Scott back in 1935.

The little bit of research I did for the post has since ballooned into something which might be called ‘an interest’ in the history of UK telephone box design. I think, dear reader, I might now be officially a nerd.
A couple of weeks ago I even went, along with a similarly afflicted friend, on a trip to a museum which has a comprehensive collection of UK telephone boxes, (three train rides to get there, and three to get back). It was a most enjoyable day out! So, why am I telling you all this?

Part Two:
Well, it is just to demonstrate an example of the use of my new found interest dear reader.
The other evening I was watching a creaky old British black and white film from the 1950s on TV. During the viewing I had occasion to break into a brief smug smile of nerdiness:
Showing was an exterior shot, a London street scene, there was a phone box on the pavement, at the left-hand side of the frame, it was a very nice looking K2 (1926 and onwards). A character in the drama, a sullen miscreant, or a steadfast plain-clothes officer of the law, I forget which, trotted down the road towards us, he was wearing a big flapping overcoat and a trilby hat. He flung open the door of the phone box and went in.
We now cut to an interior shot of the box, the man picks up the receiver to make a call, one which would turn out to be vital to the plot of the film. Good! All fine and dandy!
But no! Not to some keen-eyed person with some knowledge of telephone kiosk design (‘kiosk’, that’s what the ‘K’ stands for by the way). Yes, a grave error had been made by the director and production manager of the film! The interior shot was showing not the interior of that K2, but the interior of a K6! Dear me, what a terrible and embarrassing gaffe! Imagine the blushes of the crew when they noticed it!
Yes, as well as one kiosk being markedly bigger than the other, the window panes of the K2 and the K6 have a completely different layout – yes, the miscreant (or copper?) was now obviously phoning from a K6! As you can imagine dear reader – I smiled…
I expect the studio had its own indoor non-operative K6 for such shots, so that the lighting would be more easily controlled, and also to give easier access for those bulky cameras they had back then, I wonder if they actually took the door off?
It’s a pity it was such an old film, I would have liked to have written to the producers to point out their silly error, which for me completely ruined the whole film!…
Well, not really of course, in fact I might watch it again if it comes back on – I’ll be on the edge of my seat waiting for that particular scene though!…


Posted in archeology, brain, British film, cafe, cool, design, drama, Dulltown, Film, history, Hull.UK., humour, information, instruction, observations, phones, puzzle, seeing, serendipity, smiling, surrealism | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Just a few shortish items…

But first…
Dulltown UK/Europe: Today’s carefully selected adjectives are: floppy, hindmost, resorptive, turdine, hauriant, opsonic, and fidgety.

Excuses for being late. No. 407.
I’m sorry I’m late, but I found robins nesting in my Steinway.

A single overheard remark:
‘I was having trouble getting the soup out of my car on Beverley Racecourse.’

‘Oh, you are so provocative!…’
‘No, I’m not! Vocative? I’ve always been completely against it!…’

An observation, well, not really an observation I suppose:
I’d nipped into the toilets in the big shopping centre here in the middle of Dulltown; I was standing at one of the urinals micturating. Behind me was a row of cubicles, mostly unoccupied with their doors open, one door was however closed. Coming from behind it was the sound of a man talking on his phone, presumably sitting there, trousers round his ankles. He sounded quite posh, confident and cultured, and was discussing the finer points of business and finance. Gosh, I thought, as I zipped up, imagine having a job that kept you that busy… Poor chap!…

Another observation:
Isn’t it funny that people who are really good at spelling often turn out to be rotten writers? I expect it’s because they are basically ‘learners’, and not ‘thinkers’…

I say, how about a slice or two of nice juicy spam to go with your morning coffee dear reader?
Yes, look, fresh from my comments box this morning – here’s one from someone with the unlikely name of Davidgum:
Make an effort to decrease the level of cardboard bins that happen to be telling lies all around your home. Insects enjoy to cover up in and about these cardboard containers, and definitely will several in the event you keep them for long periods of your energy. Acquire this safety measure if you wish to save a lot of time and funds. The best way to obtain your content articles read through would be to hold them on some kind of write-up centre. Look for a balance involving simply being lively and peaceful.
Well, thank you Davidgum, I will certainly take note of what you have said. I hadn’t heard about the cardboard bins lying to us – I will surely be on my guard from now on! Your piece of write-up really and thoroughly stirred me. Do get in touch again soon!…

Yes, I’m thinking of changing my name to Magenta Ink.

A single overheard remark:
‘And then, Simon, he just bit the head off it…’

Posted in academia, brain, composition, conversation, cool, creation, drama, Dulltown, existentialism, finance, Hull.UK., humour, information, irony, observations, overheard, people, reading, serendipity, spam, surrealism, words, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

‘A’ lies anywhere on the minor axis…

But first…
Dulltown, UK/Europe: Today’s dictionary words are: cockatrice, orogenesis, spane, lazar, prepollence, and zounds. Please have these words looked up and placed in suitable sentences ready for Professor Mouldie first thing after breakfast tomorrow morning. The professor will conduct the lesson from inside a large cardboard box using handwritten notes poked out through a slot in the side. You should not allow this to distract you from your studies.

I wonder who W. N. Shaw was? He was of course the compiler of the features published in The 1954 Gadgets Annual, that old junk shop book of mine that I mention on these pages from time to time, but I wonder what else he did. Perhaps I’ll Google him… Oh, dear, poor W N, there’s nothing immediately popping up, he must be in there somewhere though, still we appreciate his good work, don’t we dear reader?

Yes, the Gadgets Magazine, from the days when people developed practical skills and repaired broken items rather than chucking them out as we do today – and they devised tools and labour saving gadgets for use around the home, workshop and garden.
Let’s have a quick thumb through these yellowing pages to get a feel for the content: A Precaution When Cutting Wire; A Handy String Dispenser; A Practical and Inexpensive Underlay For Carpets and Rugs; Imitation Oxidized Screws; A Gadget to Avoid Losing Gloves; etc.

‘Yes, dear?’
‘I’m a little bit confused…’
‘What about Albert?’
‘It’s this business of marking out OA and OB…’
‘OA and OB dear?’
‘Yes Madge, and what are major and minor axes? We’ve only got one axe and that’s in the shed, I don’t see what…’
‘Albert, is this that silly magazine of yours?’
‘It’s not silly, it’s very erudite dear and full of…’
‘Erudite eh? And that’s the plural of ‘axis’! Are you considering laying out an ellipse for some reason?’
‘Yes dear.’
‘Well just for…’
‘The fun of it?’
‘Well, yes… it’s a really elegant and pleasing shape, isn’t it?’
‘Let me have a look. Oh, yes, that’s a novel way of doing it I suppose – when I was at school we did it with two drawing pins and a loop of string.’
‘You did ellipses, at school, Madge?’
‘Of course, didn’t you Albert?’
‘Er, I can’t recall… So you used drawing pins and string, that sounds a lot more fun than marking off OB and OA…’
‘Yes, it is, and it’s a very satisfying thing to do, none of that ‘joining up the pencil dots’ nonsense. Albert, I want you to come upstairs with me for twenty minutes, and after that I’ll show you how to draw some very nice ellipses.’
‘Oh, alright Madge… Will I need my pencil?’
‘Yes, you will…’

Posted in academia, archeology, books, brain, conversation, creation, drawing, history, humour, information, instruction, learning, reading, thinking | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Mail Art Postcard. No. 4767…

But first…
Dulltown, UK/Europe: Today’s confused film stars are: Bichard Rurton and Malter Watthau.

I have just been in a quandary.
Quandary – what a great sounding word that is! It sounds like some sort of quiet ecclesiastical building attached to the back of a monastery or church – ‘Ah, Brother Bilkins, please meet me in the Quandary in ten minutes, and I’ll…’
No, my quandary was whether to post anything today – I was really 50-50 on whether to or not. You see, when the statistics tell me that hardly anyone is reading this guff that I write, I start to wonder if it’s actually worth bothering to do it, and whether I should just stop, my writing career having run its course – I have probably by now said all I needed to say.
For yesterday’s post I had just two ‘views’ in the US, two in Australia, and one here in the UK – that’s probably just three people. Thank you, you three fine upstanding readers! I really do appreciate your interest. But I’d probably get more attention if I just stood on a box in the middle of Dulltown and read my stuff out to passers by.
Anyway, the odds tipped slightly in favour of posting something, if only for the benefit of my trio of faithful, but unknown international readers.
So, perhaps I’ll just quickly show you one of those new mail art postcards I mentioned making a couple of days ago: Art waffle and postcards.


I think I’ve probably said enough today. I’ll let this nice monkey speak for itself – er, that is a monkey – isn’t it?…


Posted in animals, art, composition, creation, Dulltown, Hull.UK., humour, information, people, postcards, religion, serendipity, style, surrealism, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Crush names! Free!…

But first…
Dulltown, UK/Europe: Today’s ancient Egyptian deity is the one appearing as a bull, the God Apis. His cult centre is Memphis and his role is the manifestation of Ptah. (Apis)

Ah, that Veronica Crush (writer from the glory days of the Hull Surrealist League, now living in New York with tall tree surgeon and heir to a multimillion dollar fortune, Monty Tick) – she is so good with her character names. She apparently comes up with several new ones every day; she has accumulated so many that she can afford to give them away free of charge (I hate that awful expression ‘for free’!) to any poor unimaginative writer who happens to be stuck for an interesting name for one, or more, of the folk who inhabit their lacklustre stories.
Here is the latest batch of them, just arrived attached to an email which also contained, for some reason, a picture of a grinning snail.
As usual, Veronica has sneaked a real person’s name into her list – see if you can guess which one it is. (You will find the answer at the foot of this page.)

Thorley Morley
Betty and Bruce Stantions
Perry Winkle-Green
Lady Florence Carsnake-Lunch
Hyacinth Quays
Dorothy Mult RA
Sergeant Major Eddie Bludsoak
Cheeky Helmut Blaukopf
Sir Walter Pigswine MP
Emeric Pressburger
Nancy Steth-Columns
Crown Prince Mungi of Thorrunz
Minerva Choobs
Lord David Underdog QC
Darren Arren Malmen
Dudley Pounce
Detective Inspector Natalie Clusters
Rachel Jane Spout

For real name click here.

Posted in archeology, brain, celebrities, creation, Dulltown, history, humour, information, puzzle, religion, serendipity, style, surrealism, words, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments