You know what you’re doing, don’t you?…

But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s featured rock is a small lump of dendritic limestone. (click)
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I suppose you know, that you are, doing it…
Eh? Yes, I suppose I do. Do you think it matters?
Well, no, I don’t suppose so…
Do you think that talking to oneself is a bad thing?
Should that have been ‘to oneself’ or ‘to one’s self?
I don’t know – but it’s not a bad thing really, it’s a bit like thinking, you know, but out loud – isn’t it?
Is it, Dave?
Yes, I think so, Dave.
We seem to be on first name terms now, don’t we?
Hey! I don’t like this ‘we’ business! This situation is not like that at all!
You’re absolutely right, there’s nothing seriously wrong with us… er, me!
It could be a beneficial thing, though –  I’ve noticed that I say things like – so, why did you leave your camera on the stairs? It could be very dangerous – a potential trip hazard!
But do I take any notice? No!
I have noticed that I talk to the radio and the TV a lot, and I regularly swear at Facebook too.
Hang on…
What?…
Well, shouldn’t there be inverted commas, quotation makes, around what I’m saying?
Why? This is only me speaking! There is no confusion here, quotation marks are not necessary.
That’s right!
Do you find that you sometimes engage in conversation with inanimate objects?
What – like, apples, hacksaws, paint brushes, soup spoons, garden gates, found lost golf balls, stepladders?
Yes.
Very rarely.
It’s a bit like talking to that unlikeable cat that visits daily for its dinner and a few thrown cat treats.
Elmore?
Yes, all he/she does is stare at me – not a word or even a meow from him/her!
But you do talk to him/her?
Yes, I do… Just a minute, there’s some Mozart playing on the studio/workshop radio –  oh, give it a rest, you dreary, jumped up, anodyne bugger!
But why have you got Wolfy M on, anyway?
The other channels are all sport, finance programmes, or people suffering badly in war zones, but being interviewed…
Hey!
What?
There is one benefit of talking to oneself.
Oh, yes? What’s that? Hang on, just let me turn Wolfgang off. There, that’s better!
It makes writing these ‘conversation pieces’ that I include in the blog now and again, a lot easier.
‘Conversation pieces’?
Well, no, but lines of dialogue – like in a play.
A play?
Yes, but I never put in, you know, in between the lines, what are they called?
Stage directions?
Yes, that’s them – things like – Moves upstage carrying a tray of drinks; A lamp in the upstage chandelier pops and goes out; A loud crash of thunder from stage right; Stands up and looks pensively out of the French windows stroking his beard; Man in gorilla costume enters stage left and bounds around the set gibbering – that sort of thing…
Perhaps I should start putting some of these in?
Well, no, I don’t want those pieces to be like a play – I hate plays!
Yes, who would want to be thought of as a sodding playwright?
Indeed… Fancy a mug of tea?
Yes why not?…
No, no, it’s alright, I’ll do it…