But first…
Dulltown, UK: Today’s carefully selected fish names are: the ghost flathead, the gizzard shad, the longjaw mudsucker, the bicolor goatfish, and the armored searobin. Goodness me, I do like the sound of the last one!… I wonder what they look like… (Click here!)
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Excuses for being late. No. 385.
I’m sorry I’m late, but one of the valves in my computer burned out…
A single overheard remark:
‘Any sort of hyper-trousers Jill…’
‘I had a great idea a couple of years ago.’
‘Oh yes?’
‘Mm, you know how many coarse stupid people there seem to be…?’
‘I suppose so…’
‘And all those people who never got a decent education?’
‘Er, yes…’
‘Well, I thought, the world of politics should really try to accommodate them all, and…’
‘Have a person, just like one of them, at the head, to represent them?’
‘Yes… Oh, damn!…’
‘Hm…’
An observation:
In town yesterday I saw four separate Theresa Mays walking about – she has such a distinctive dress sense, and walk, you couldn’t mistake her, er them… (click here)
An idea for a musical performance:
We’d go out into the street with a concealed sound recorder during one of the regular screaming rows going on between the local neighbours, and record it, and then later carefully transcribe the argument complete with all the effing and blinding and coarse language. Then we hire a hall, and a piano, and a pianist, and a couple of posh classical singers, possibly one male and one female to suit the gender of the characters in the recording – the music played could be that for a nice bit of Schubert lieder, but instead of the original words, our singers would sing crisply in their posh plummy voices the swearing and banter from our recording. See, it’s a good way of dragging classical music into the 21st, or even 19th or 20th century. I think it would be great! ‘Don’t you talk to me like that you fucking crack-head slut…‘ etc. Don’t suppose we’d get funding for it though… (click here)
How about a nice slice of spam from this morning’s comments box? This dainty one seems to be from someone called James-bl:
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Thank you James-bl, I feel more comfortable already just reading your message, but I think that I might be unpleasant doing them, I’m going off to adopt to a pool as soon as I have the time. Please send more stuff like this – it is lovely, and I like your style utmost.
Yes, I think I might be changing my name to Sue Povtha-Day.
A single overheard remark:
‘You can often see the likes of Judi Dench there Barbara!…’
Dave Whatt 
Your highness. Your moment of brilliance has, at last, revealed itself! (Well, except for working out the “gender” problems…you see, according to the news media here in the colonies, we—meaning the subjects—are not permitted to assign gender…not even at birth..so just cogitate on that for a moment…) When I win the lottery, which is now over a billion dollars, I shall endeavor to fund your stage production!! It might be short, however, we wouldn’t need to seat people, checks their coats, or offer (as was the tradition in days gone by) an interlude to imbibe in a cocktail and a cigarette mounted carefully in a bejeweled ivory cigarette holder! Imagine if you will a line of chauffeur driven limosines lining up to drop off the audience regaled in their finest designer wear. Moreover, it could be performed in English so that the attendees wouldn’t leave scratching their heads (!?) What just happened? What just happened you say? I could write forever – most profound surrealism EVER. Signed, your dutiful subject, I bow to your clarity, the Baroness Doran of Memphis.
Well, Lady D, I have just reread my ‘pithy items’ post to see if I could work out how what you have written might relate to a possible ‘moment of brilliance’, or anything else in it…
I couldn’t find anything – am I being a bit dense? Anyway, let’s press on!
Gender assignment at birth: I thought maybe that it might be the attending doctor’s task at that early stage – I suppose it’s up to them to decide…
Perhaps you were referring to my proposed Lieder piece with the featured effing and blinding; I think perhaps that you were.
It would have to be in English I think, and without of course the thick Dulltown accent – that would definitely ruin the immaculate diction and necessary poshness, which is the whole point of it.
PS: If you do win the billion, please don’t post any of it to me – it would completely spoil my creativity… H R H King Dave.
Ah, yeah….first to gender assignment….I think it is “New” York that has adopted a gender X on the birth certificate, so that one might make that choice later down the road.” Science and biology don’t matter, because gender (apparently) is a (eek) choice. Like I said earlier, perhaps in a previous life….some people are just plain mad. Oh yes, it was the effing and blinding I found so compelling. Still laughing. Yes, English of course, it wouldn’t make any sense to perform it in Chinese. Of course, that would add a certain twist, would it not? Rest easy your highness, there is virtually NO chance I will win a billion….I do have a ticket, but I suspect it’s futile.
I thought that you might be referring to the link to the chap singing in German – it made me smile just watching him and imagining my effing and blinding replacing his words – ho ho!
Gender X eh? Maybe it could be a special day (like a birthday) in your teens when you decide on your gender, a party might be in order – you could have a pink suit, or a blue suit, or a pink and blue suit to put on, and everyone would cheer and clap…
The billion – it would be just like you to win it Dana!… Doh!…
Must go to bed, it’s ten past midnight here!…
I’m sure someone out there is plotting to make millions capitalizing on just that, the teenage gender x day – oh the cards and party hats! …..hey wait….just like me to think a brilliant idea is just a farce. I suggest you get going on that, your highness.
No no, not my style at all – go for it Lady D!…
I haven’t the energy…
Someone will do it!…
LOL, Dave, good laughs. Love the name change.
Thank you Sharon!…